Two Dreadful Pennies Worth

Hark! A Trailer!

2012-02-24T05:56:00.001-08:00

Vegetarian Morning

2011-12-07T05:41:00.001-08:00

A diet of greens
Makes dolphin journeys visits
Instead of sea wars

Winter Forecast for Introverts

2011-12-06T12:06:00.001-08:00

Irony's a coat,
Because subjectivity
Is out of fashion.

Fractals

2011-11-17T08:00:00.001-08:00

Oh trendy art methodology, so full of catchphrases like "ekphrasis" and "agency!" Let's talk about ekphrasis first. Ekphrasis spent a great deal of time in school, studying language and culture in order to translate Japanese humor for Americans. Lo and behold, the only Americans who even began to get the jokes were the ones who actually were into Japanese culture, and had themselves become scholars of the culture. Sometimes Ekphrasis' comedy fell flat on it's face. So Ekphrasis began evaluating each different audience and lost a little of his honesty. He began to translate, no, convert the Japanese jokesters' verbal chicanery into something of the same spirit as the original joke, but also something that was literally unequivalent... Ekphrasis had become an Agent. He began equating things based on the system he chose for the situation that would give his preferred result. After all, it was all in good fun.

So we choose our systems of interpretation.

The older I get, the more I realize that understanding eachother is impossible. Being understood is impossible. We are at every moment, interpreting stimulai. We provide ourselves a variety of systems with which to view these stimulai, because at bottom, if we don't like what we see, we have a box of other lenses to change our interpretation. After all, if we are looking closely, no matter what the lens, the interpretation must be objective.

So let's take science as a lens. As a methodology it seems ahuman. We think of the approach as cold and detached. The objective is not to see what we want but simply to record what we see. So what happens when we look into the microscope and see nothing? We reach for another lens. We raise the magnification. We lower the magnification. We change our lens until we can interpret. But it is not because there is an objective something to be interpreted that we finally see through the correctly chosen lens. It is because we want to understand that we feel understanding. The goal is still happiness. People are "objective" and "scientific" for the same reason that they are "religious" or "sympathetic." There is great joy in the feeling of understanding. In epiphany.

To say "epiphany" is nothing more than an emotional climax, a release of chemicals in the brain at the end of an arduous attempt to "understand" might sound hideous to one under the objectivity delusion, but I think it's a testament to the awe-inspiring microcosm of our human brains. Each brain is world of carefully balanced extremes, of incompatible elements all co-existing so that to the casual observer, everything is thriving. Our planet, while made up of our microcosmic brains among other equally complicated individual entities, is another system full of oppositions carefully balanced and checked against eachother. And yet our planet appears so solid from space.

I might be getting more Buddhist in my old age, but I find great comfort in this. That every complication, everything "wrong" with the world is just as much a part of it's structure as what is "right" with the world. And how amazing are humans that they find a lens to look at every uncomfortable disharmony in a way which makes their puny life burst with meaning, understanding, and happiness.

Why Nietzsche and I Agree About Art

2011-10-26T13:22:00.001-07:00

In his famoustext, The Gay Science, Germany’scelebrated skeptic, Friedrich Nietzsche begins breaking down the concept ofmorality, which will eventually become the focus of his Genealogy of Morals. By calling into question the foundations andhistories of every societal more that has every been considered by and large“good” or “virtuous,” and by contrast that which is “bad” or “evil,” heuncovers the hidden fallacy of an “absolute” or “universal” truth. Everyauthorial account of knowledge in history, according to Nietzsche rests on somefaulty premise.Inhis critique of modernity, he recounts the story of “The Madman,” who is infact, a self-reflection of the author and the mouthpiece of his infamouspronunciation that “God is dead.” But the madman continues, “and we have killedhim.” Nietzsche’s claim is that by creating the world we presently live in, theworld of consumers, of industry, of technology and science as “empirical truth”we have created an environment that is so hostile to a the immediacy of theancient beliefs in God, that we can no longer accept the idea of God as theultimate authority. Those judged as “immoral” are no longer at the mercy of aGod who will smite him with lightning, because science explains the phenomenonof lighting and as a natural condition of earthly weather, it does not have thediscretion to smite. Even those claiming religion and service to God, Nietzscheinsists instead to be non-believers worshipping a shadow-in-memoriam of the godwho has perished at our hand. He laments the death of God as the loss of thebeautiful delusion that was for so long, the glue of pre-modern society.

Nietzscheaccepts this great loss for humanity, and without nihilism, but instead with acheerful optimism, provides asolution through art. We must become the artists of our own lives, creatingfrom the raw materials of suffering, joy, pleasure, and pain our own personalguidebook for living. We must be able to look at our lives in terms ofaesthetics in addition to the terms of rules we live by. In fashioning thislife as artwork, we the artists must be able to step back, palette in hand, andlook at the whole of our lives and see the gestalt of choices madeintentionally by a “single taste.” In this way we become improvisers and transformersof self.

Theway Nietzsche describes this self-authoring is such that we as individuals mustbe able to live our present lives as if we could live that same life verbatim,with all its vicissitudes, again and again for eternity, like a favorite novel. The way I have described this lifephilosophy, before ever reading Nietzsche’s words, is that I must never haveany regrets. In spite of what many would charge me with as “poor choices,” Ihave always been able to reflect on my life’s decisions and direction with thehonest belief that if I were given the choice over, I would not have alreadyacquired the experiential knowledge of having lived and suffered through thecause and effect of my actions in a given circumstance. I have come to realizethat I do not write my own fate, so much as I write my own interpretation.Inresponse Nietzsche provides that “only one thing is needful: to give style to one’s life.” Artisticdecisions require knowledge, self-control and luck. The element of luck incicumstance makes an experimentation a necessity. When one can step back fromhis creation, tastefully executed, and behold it in all its disharmonies ofform as a full composition and an object of beauty, he as a human becomes “tolerableto behold.”

Forthis reason, we as a society, can never dispense with art. Art is the mostpowerful metaphor of a meaningful life in modernity. With making and andabsorbing objects of art, we practice living.

Church Window Design I

2011-10-12T12:53:00.000-07:00

This past extended weekend, I went to Minneapolis to visit my boyfriend and attend an info session on the MFA program at UMN's art department. The facility was amazing. They had everything. They have a FOUNDRY right in the building. They have a shop for every sculptural medium and a studio for every 2D medium. They have an experimental THEATER just for art... with SURROUND SOUND. I asked if students could access a box truck if they needed to go to a lumber store for large supplies... our host replied that she didn't know what a box truck was, but any supplies you order are delivered, and you can use the freight elevator to get the supplies to your graduate studio which occupies a WHOLE FLOOR!

The last thing I saw was the gallery, an open, modern space with work from artists of their Chinese exchange program, which is big. I left with a high degree of inspiration and whimsy. To have so many things at my fingertips! I must go there! In terms of making and meaning, the mental state of "inspiration" invites further exploration.

When inspired, the world looks different to an artist, just like the world looks different to a person in love. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist whose life's work studies the brain in love, describes the importance dopamine plays in obtaining this feeling of love. Novel experiences often drive up dopamine levels, and she tells the story of a graduate student at a conference in Beijing who tries to make a colleague fall in love with him by creating novelty by travel in a rickshaw. The result is that the colleague does experience this dopamine rush and exits the rickshaw in a state of exhilaration and infatuation... for the rickshaw driver. "There is magic to love!" She says.

http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_tells_us_why_we_love_cheat.html

However, I find the manipulation of this discovery intriguing. Perhaps it's impossible to tamper with someone else's internal chemistry and achieve the results you want, but within yourself, the effect can be more pleasing. Though we typically do not choose who we fall in love with, we can capitalize on the emotions we get from novel experiences and live and do productive things while in that state of euphoria. As I've gotten older, I try to spend less time basking in a state of inspiration, which is inextricably tied to a sense of longing for something ambiguous, and therefore impossible to obtain. Instead I linger in the place that causes this feeling and do whatever artful thing I can with what I have. I've been in too many situations where I had inspiration and no tools, so as an adult, I plan ahead. I anticipate those moments and they come. Perhaps they come more often because I anticipate them and don't fear being unprepared. Even if I don't have my tools, I practice "being" art, moving and looking and engaging fully in my senses so that as with any "practice" I can recall the motor expressions I rehearsed in a state of inspiration and by repeating them when I have my tools again, recall a bit of that emotional state. In a way you could simply call this practicing positivity. When routine plays such a large part of my sense of security, finding a way to inject even a diluted degree of inspiration into my day makes me more productive, and in response, more secure. An upward spiral!

I went back to work on my window piece for my thesis and finished yesterday. The SALVS is the old English SALUS which means "Health" in Latin. For artists, exercising inspiration is not going to lead to dopamine rush after dopamine rush, but through practice it helps me stay in love with the world. And I think that is essential to the health of any artist.

Beatitudes of The Adytum

2011-10-04T18:40:00.000-07:00

1. We shall always be honest in our speech.

2. We shall only use the language for the communication of ideas to each other. The literal meaning of its components will naturally become obscured by the honest frustrations that erupt in the emotional undertones of our phonetic utterances.

3. While we will try to play by the rules of society, that is of spoken language, a medium we can never fully communicate with, when we become genuinely too frustrated by our failed attempt to understand and be understood, we will resort, quite exhausted, with music, so that the segue between speech, voice, and secondary voice (or instrument) is quite necessary and indistinguishable as separate entities.

4. We will maintain the etiquette of polite conversation in music, until our opinions and emotions are so at odds with each other it becomes necessary to momentarily project without listening. Our tantrums will be short as our group dynamic and sense of community is our ultimate ally and power.

5. We shall all align our methods of speaking with our individual characters. We have always been Four Sisters. Novieiska. Truvieiska. Civieiska. Matoschi.

6. We shall speak of things in terms of an elemental nature. The universe, our universe, is made of these fundamental elements - Earth, Air, Fire, Water.

The properties of these elements are scientifically observable and immutable. They are found in varying degrees in all things. Their natures are found in varying degrees in all things. Therefore each person is constituted by four natures in varying degrees, and by virtue of their juxtaposition against other persons, communities are constituted by these four natures. The 4 elemental natures are as follows:

Earth:

Tangible, solid, sturdy, material, practical, grounded, unshakable, unmoving, steady, pragmatic. Earth holds its own shape and provides a reliable surface and sense of security to those it gives itself to walk upon. The sensual. The corporeal. The body.

Air:

Invisible, quick, born of the sky and higher things. Filling to the lungs. Perceptible to sight only by what it displaces. Heard in the ears and felt on the skin only after it has vanished. Witty. Contemplative, idealistic, mercurial, and communicative, it demands a dialog. A conversation. A friend. The mind.

Water:

Undulating, ebbing, flowing, gushing, freezing solid, now hot, then gradually cold, now raging, then placid, then unmovable as ice. Transformative. Emotive. Conforming to the shape of its container. Bound by gravity to move ceaselessly and restlessly until it finds it's level. Then deep, nuturing, satiating, healing. Restorative to those it gives of itself to drink. The heart.

Fire:

Rapid! Dancing! Glowing! Charming! Moving without regard for gravity or other such laws. Free and unbound! Constantly in action. Now here, now there! Free from deliberation! Brightest and warmest near those who respect its unpredictability! Blazing forward in some direction, though direction is chosen only by the necessity to blaze! Energy! Action! The spirit!

But in distress:

Earth is the earth that crumbles beneath our feet, that blocks our path, that blinds us from the sun.

Air is the air that uproots us and knocks us off our feet, that refuses to wait for us to catch up, and that in its haste, prods and stirs up a violent reaction from the other elements.

Water is the water which drowns us to death.

Fire is the fire that burns and swiftly consumes every last thing before it even knows what it has done.

Therefore, only in balance of measure does the universe remain constituted.

7. We are constituted by elemental natures and as such constitute with with our Gang of Four, our universe.

Novieiska is the Earth.

Truvieiska the Fire.

Civieiska is the Water

Matoschi the Air.

8. At the very onset of the story, in the act of childbirth, Civieiska finds her sudden demise. Before we have the chance even to experience the dynamism of the 4 elemental natures in unity and balance, we find our universe bereft of her heart! Oh woe to us! To lose access to that fluid depth! Vengeance against he who rent us apart!

But where to place the blame? And how to even process the grief without our heart! We grieve that which can only give substance and movement to the grief! Oh Woe!

9. The death of the heart was brought by this tiny harbinger of the future. But where is the balance and sense in such a future?! We are too grieved to yet imagine!

10. And so the rain pours. A chilly repetitious reminder of that which is lost.

Does this child have a chance?

To My Talented Lady Friends: An "Improv Opera"

2011-10-04T07:52:00.000-07:00

Hey Ladies,

I miss you, and I'm sorry I've been so engulfed in my thesis to hang out as I'd like... however, I have a two (or maybe even ten)-fold efficient idea which should be fun and hopefully productive.

So in my thesis there is a film. In my film, there is a diluted narrative. In the diluted narrative there is a history of morality. In the history of morality there is a group of women who serve both as spiritual leaders in their community and as prostitutes. In reality this seeming division of self was perfectly legal in Medieval Europe. Today's mindset would look at this type of pairing as hypocrisy, but I'm trying to use it to show how people (especially women or minorities) make meaning out of a marginalized life in society. Culture forms in the mythology people make and need to have meaning in life (rather than life being objectively or universally meaningful in the context of societal laws) and become more fully human or transcendent. But at the same time, morality is prescribed by those in power to unintentionally make a slave class for themselves to feed and survive on, which is the animal part of human nature, to survive by eating those lower on the food chain. It is inevitable and glossed over by human idealism as something people can transcend with enough effort and presence of mind. I disagree, and believe, like Nietzsche that chaos is necessary to meaning and we discover meaning in life through art.

There are 4 characters in the introductory scene of the film. They are all nuns/ladies-of-the-night who serve their community as nurturing, earth-mother sympathizers of the downtrodden, rather than as tradeswomen of sensual goods and services. Because they embrace the chaos of the animal they are humble. Nonetheless they are shamed because they are powerless to survive at the hands of the moneyholders, who by their capacity to requite, that is, reward and punish, can prescribe morality which both condemns their way of living and enforces it. The moneyholders are mainly men in the rich church inside the town who have cast their cloister into the woods to perform their spiritual rites to society in the confines of a humble tent.

I know this is probably more philosophy than anyone wants to read this early in the morning... but here comes the practical and fun part:

I have images to show you, which are not final but which should give you the mood of the opening scene. With those moving images in mind, I want to create an organic improv piece with 4 voices. These voices should begin as your actual voices, so in that sense you'll have to play a character, but since the piece is written in the fake language, what I would like is ostensibly what we did with Literacy, to have a list of these fake words to choose from and through your compositional sensibilities, we form a musical conversation. In a way, you might think this piece would be better for trained singers, but I don't. And in fact, I think it would be cool to have your instruments in this piece too, as sort of a secondary mode of individual voice. In the opening scene the elder nun (most like Leonardo of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, if this analogy makes sense) gets into an argument with the nun of a fiery, angsty disposition (the Raphael character) over the death of their youngest sister (who could have been the Michaelangelo character, but whose sudden absence simply leaves a lack of unity among the others). A fourth nun takes the role of the Donatello character, and contemplates the sister's death quietly and with gentle reserve. Its a funeral scene but unlike Leah's In Morning piece, does not resolve quite yet. If after the erupting first movement it makes sense to pick up instruments, and I hope it does, there should be a second wave of mourning without voices that I will carry into the next scene which is devoid of human characters.

The sister who has died has given birth to a baby in this first scene which is the catalyst for the eruption of the argument between the two nuns. The story follows the child as she grows up in this scenario without the socialization of other children and makes art of what is "too real" incorporating dreams into reality and bestowing the form of her growing up with an aesthetic fashioned from the abstraction of real visions of this life.

So it's in essence a Piece, and a Piece I'm serious about - And it needs 4 voices (I can be the 4th if necessary). I think it would be cool to supplant those individual voices with instrumentation in the way that to speak to each other, Leah might just as naturally pick up her Saxophone as vocalize the script and Jessica might pick up hers and yell back with it. Basically, where in all technically received films (popular and/or critically acclaimed films, that is) there is a track for dialog and a track for incidental music and the music must always be suppressed just like the music of opera is (according to Nietzsche, for whom opera was the popular film of his time) suppressed by the libretto because the clarity of the words is the most important thing to an audience of theatre-goers.

For my thesis, I want the dialog AND the music to BE THE SAME THING. For this Piece, the words are only important in the sentiment they are producing for and between the performers, the rhythms they are then forced naturally into creating, and the musical form they are exalting over time. For this reason it will only be important to practice the language to the degree that it should feel natural like playing an instrument. The literal meaning of the words does not matter except in the feeling they cause in the performer uttering them. They should move fluidly through moments of tonality and periods of texture and rhythm.

There will then at last, be one long organic piece with 5 movements (which now reminisces of Leah's interest in the 5 stages of grief, and makes me feel this can not be done without Leah in the natural role of the elder nun) that will loosely follow a script in lieu of a score while I orchestrate the instrumentation and shifts in mood/dynamics with image cues. We will need to practice a lot, because this in essence will be like an opera... but practically speaking I credit everyone participating as a Composer as that's the nature of improv and collaboration. The way I see it, this is a history of the culture of women and only through a ritual performed by us as a group, is it going to create that mythology.

Notes on Nietzsche's The Gay Science I

2011-10-03T13:41:00.000-07:00

Book 1:1

Teachers of purpose appear (these are ostensibly Philosophy teachers, religious heads, or any professor of the whys of existence and the insistence on preserving the whole of the human race. Nietzsche talks about laughing at oneself for this. It's laughable. That humans divide eachother up as good and evil then talk about the necessity of every "evil" attribute in the loftier goal of preservation of the human race. It's laughable because it will survive on its own. Then these professors come in with second lives that aspire to do what the life of the race will do by its own nature. He mentions drives again and then laughs about how we are the only species that from time to time must understand "why" we live when other species just go on living without needing an answer to this question.

Book 1:2

Where Nietzsche describe his type of "injustice." He describes people as having no intellectual conscience. Many people. And those that do have it are lost to his kind in "the most densely populated cites as if he were in a desert." I agree with him on this, that the majority of people do not find it contemptible to think this way or that, weigh this as good and that as evil, but never account for the "desire for certainty" within himself as a problem. However he sees people who question their own "desire for certainty" as elite.

Book 1:3

Where Nietzsche talks about the "common" complaining about "noble (morally magnanimous) types because they suspect selfish motives led them to this lifestyle and when they are convinced of noble motives they simply see the noble as stupid to enjoy leading a life of martyrdom or self-disadvantage. Conversely the noble treats the common well, but complains endlessly that they won't do what is "needful" and that is their injustice.

Book 1:4

On what preserves the species which Nietzsche says "In every teacher and preacher of what is new we encounter the same 'wickedness'. that makes conquerors notorious, even if its expression is subtler and it does not immediately set the muscles in motion, and therefore also does not make one that notorious. New is "evil" because it wants to overthrow and change the old. Old = "good." All things good as evil are just as expedient in preserving the human race as the other.

Book 1:5

Manipulative tactics of those who speak of their "Unconditional duties," and of themselves as servants to a cause he says "Because they desire the unconditional confidence of others, they need first of all to develop unconditional self-confidence on the basis of some ultimate and indisputable commandment" so that they can feel like "instruments."

Book 1:6

Loss of dignity... Reflection never stops, and doesn't require enough preparation. Thinking refuses to stop.

Book 1:7

"Where could you find a history of love, of avarice, of envy, of conscience, of pious respect for tradition, or of cruelty? He mentions vegetarianism as a basis for philosophy, then discards it. How differently have man's instincts grown! He describe culture and counter culture... and how much study it would take to give a why answer to all these variants of human instinct... then science can't do what it sets out to do with study and empiricism.

Book 1:8

...

This is how I get into the book I guess. Now I'm into Book 2 where Nietzsche slights women, provides some insight into men forming opinions about women in their minds and then finding humans instead, to their disgust and crediting women with "willingness" to reform themselves into the vision the man has dreamt up.

And at long last I discovered I was assigned Human, All Too Human for tomorrow's class and not The Gay Science until later in the semester... the human brain, oh how it works against and with the rest of the social world... nonetheless I will enter class tomorrow more educated than I was at the last class period... I feel like my prof shouldn't mind a lapse in practical sense... I hope.

Test with Masks

2011-10-02T15:57:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tPqHVV1eBA

New Scene Masks for Kloeshi

2011-09-28T06:51:00.000-07:00

How should I create a variety of very atmospheric scenes without access to the places I'd like to shoot them in? I suppose I just make Theatre. With these images I have created an alpha mask to shade out the silhouette of a certain scenic element I want in a piece of video.

Then I layer the mask over the silhouetted video I've taken to put the characters in the scenery. The end result is not necessarily photo realistic as American filmmakers and audiences typically find as the goal of film, but instead creates a mood narrative.

In these scenes the nuns take Kloeshi with them from their humble cloister in the woods, to pay a routine visit to the clergy at the large expensive cathedral in the city. Here we begin to see the hierarchical structure of the society in this story, and the power inequality and suffering which stems from within.

Memories, Dreams, Reflections, Jung, Freud, Nietzsche, and Process

2011-09-22T08:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to the Writing Center for help writing my thesis. I've had little direction on how to go about it or what the guidelines are. I've visited the University's online resources, which would be more helpful if they showed an example instead of a page of words describing pagination... ultimately I find again and again that words of help written by people, are alienated from those people, and that true help is a feeling. Suffice to say, Jennifer at the Writing Center was helpful and I have an appointment to see her again in two weeks.

Though I've been reading from a variety of sources over the last two years, my research has been scattered, non-linear, and the antithesis of efficient. Nonetheless, I can't be ashamed of the process because I've been absorbing information all this time. During my session at the Writing Center, Jennifer suggested I had a lot of research to do. This was a blow to me, because I thought I had been staying ahead with the assortment of self-imposed readings I had done. When I consider what a slow-cooker I am, I forget to look at the other end of that spectrum, the pressure to produce. The Raphael reading made me think in terms of pure planning vs. pure production. Like the anecdote concerning the wall decoration he had no time to plan out with preliminary drawings, I like to wade in the pool of possibility and the fearful waters of the concern that the product might not realize my concept. I have full control of the planning. I have virtually no control on the reception of the project. While I might be happy with the end result of my careful planning and execution, there's still the concern that I won't make the deadline because I was not ready to leave the planning process. But far more frightening is the fear that I will leave the planning process in fear of the deadline and make a monstrosity that I can never love.

Jennifer, whose livelihood comes from her tutelage in getting results in writing form, needed to light a hotter candle beneath me than I had lit for myself. Typically, I'm too busy counting the different candles burning, and from both ends, to think about how hot each one is, individually. There is a collective heat that never stops. I filled the time between the appointment and my next appointment with more time in the 3rd and 4th floor stacks.

"You need to find the gap in all previous research on this topic." She explained. My thesis topic is broad because art is criticized for being too personal and Art is that which appears to invoke the primal unity of all things. Firstly I spent a lot of time working on imagery that would evoke an experience which could only be communicated through the medium of art, and now I'm being asked to convert that language into written English. Even more problematic, the English should be logically formatted, an argument, a dogma which is so well-researched it must become truth (i.e. aspires to publication). Meanwhile, my art should be original. I must research my methods as I work. I must spend all my time practicing and gaining new insights into the practical methods by which I make it. I must contribute to the technology of making art.

Fill the gap, contribute to the technology, perfect my craft, perfect my writing, perfect the world. Produce, produce, produce.

And students are supposed to do this in two years with the scantest finances. What a system our idealism has created! Oddly enough, my thesis research focuses on modernity's idealistic pursuit of knowledge and production as a linear (logical) progression biting it's own tail as it reaches its limits and rediscovers that as the people it is made up of, it is only half ideally human. When we ignore our animal drives in the hopes of transcending them, we segment ourselves, only to see that we are really werewolves terrorizing each other at night, while during the day we continue producing.

For me, process entails a lot of time because it's my wish to balance these two halves of myself as a person so that I do not become segmented and look for escape from reality. Nietzsche said we "need art for protection and as medicine." And as a society, I feel we are under-medicated because we are conditioned to value the product. It pleases me to focus on and even imagine the artistic process of Raphael and Michaelangelo realistically without the Apolline veil. In this way we are creating new myths which in turn reconnect us with our primal core. I've been a painter in Raphael's shop. I've been a designer explaining my vision in it's cohesion to an artistic director's vision to a shop of builders and painters. But I understand the plight of the whole organization too. Produce. Produce Produce... load-in on Friday...

Entertainonomics: The Dark Knight

2011-09-16T06:12:00.000-07:00

My electronic music teacher, Krzysztof Wolek, sent me this link - presumably because I would appreciate the grammar of film used to dissect one of this generation's most unique entertainonomic phenomena in film. The Dark Knight.

http://www.salon.com/entertainment/movies/press_play/index.html?story=/ent/movies/feature/2011/09/12/dark_knight_jim_emerson_press_play

I'm glad I don't make "Hollywood" movies. As soon as your work starts making money, people have found a new pariah.

While much of what he said about this movie was accurate from the standpoint of technical filmmaking rules, (which are about as "universal" or monolithic as the rules of tonal music) are true, I think he would be less likely to spend so much time ripping apart a Kurasawa or a Tarkovsky or a Herzog. Maybe the guy just fancies himself an action sequence guru? I guess I didn't think of the sequence as disorienting because it fit into the context of the film. Granted, I will rip up on the script - why writers or producers-cum-writers think it's a good idea to give non-characters these stupid, needless lines (i.e. "Lock and load!") is the reason I tend to stay out of the movie theater and stick to my home projector.

It seems pretty banal actually to watch a movie and pick apart how physically impossible the action is. What does that say about our culture? Why do people have this dual demand that films should behave completely in every aspect as if they are happening in real life right now, but when these things are sad, depressing or true to the content of life people are mad because it's not an "escape" anymore. If people really wanted films to be true to life, they'd make movies about the guy that hates his job working at Best Buy. There would not even be such a thing as an action sequence. Life is not physically that exciting. So the only thing of value I can see that Mr. Emmerson says is "All the jumbled up movement can cancel out any sense of momentum."

I suppose this is because I have come to see film making as if it were music. This is probably why Joey and I like David Lynch. Is the acting immaculate? Not in the usual sense for sure. It seems sometimes the characters are not even acting. Do we receive all the visual information we need to follow a plot that is real to life? Absolutely not. Do we find an overall form, rhythms, harmony, dissonance, contrast of elements? Absolutely so. Life IS as exciting as an action sequence at times, but not because things are literally physically happening like they do in action sequences. Life is exciting for the same reason music is exciting - it moves from moment to moment, ideas culminate, things appear to have happened for a reason and we perceive action and momentum. We could not experience music with only our sense of logic and reasoning. We require our emotions to make sense of music, and music makes sense of us. I don't see why filmmaking is judged any differently. I suppose it's not. There is radio pop and there are Blockbusters. Critics will leave us alone so long as we continue not making any money. :) And you will never make money unless you follow the instruction manual for making a movie.

As far as The Dark Knight goes, I don't love it. I'm honestly a bit indifferent to it. I like Heath Ledger's masterful portrayal of a 2D comic villain as a fully rounded human being. I like the darkness, the Noirish chiaroscura, and the cocktail of comic-like simplicity and familiar political themes. But what I can truly not deny about this movie is that it managed to draw a crowd from so many sects of people. This was a movie I DID see in the theater, right there next to the people who come to see every blockbuster, the nerdy boys who only see action movies and cult specialties like Star Wars, the critics (which I don't identify with either) and the independent crowd.

Actually, I like the role of the critic when I think about it - yes they are annoying naysayers that quest after the conquest of ruining a good thing because it's just not good enough, but they're the system of checks and balances. No one should ever make too much money.

Culmination Feeling

2011-09-15T07:04:00.000-07:00

First of all, here is a test that I've been working on...

<p>&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;And&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;</p>

and you can visit the link at YouTube should you like to watch it in glorious 720/1280 at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xs81UeXlQ5I

And right now, it looks neat, but what is it? That seems to me to be the worst state of affairs for an artist. When I listen to Matthew Barney talk about his work, talk about the concepts behind his work, as an artist, when I listen to someone who just doesn't jive with me, all I hear is I made this thing from my intuitive feeling about what is aesthetic and I came up with a way to justify the images later. On one hand, it annoys me because so much money backs his productions and his sheer charisma and social (or socioeconomic) opulence propel him into a world that is his oyster - one in which he is allowed to express narcissistically and like pop artists, we look at a well-chisled american football player's face and assume the art is profound. I don't think his art is profound I don't even think he's charismatic.

But in all this, I realize it's more that I champion the underdog and loathe the celebrity. In this sense I see myself as a balancing force. I'm not going to turn it all the way back around, because the irony of this situation is that as soon as the underdog becomes the jesus whose face we see in the towel used to wipe the fluids away, I no longer see a savior or a confidant but a mere celebrity. I should look for the world's answers in the gibberish of a homeless man before I turn to someone with too much celebrity because I lose trust in someone who has happened into this type of power and embraces it. While I fully understand with all the empathy a human can possess what it is to lust after the "truth" in the world, I came to understand what a temporal concept "truth" is. Truth is not eternal, people just want it to be.

So I've been reading philosophy for a bit now - I was into Ayn Rand's theories of Objectivism in high school, but more importantly I was into a boy who was into Ayn Rand. I left my beliefs in Christianity because I had found someone with the truth. I found someone to take care of me and lead me out of delusion and tradition. Four years later, my savior had lost his shimmer. He didn't really know the truth, he just had a big personality and very persuasive way with words. He was a dialectician, a logician, an orator, and a huge deluded misanthrope. In a small town, he was also the underdog. I trusted him completely and justified all his actions because of my trust. But I feel certain that it was his actions that made me trust him in the first place. Actions are, after all, movements from point A to point B, not the intentions that drive them. Those intentions are as ephemeral as "the truth" and equally subject to interpretation.

Now I'm reading Nietzsche's Birth of Tragedy and considering the world's famous polarizing German personality for his influence and his power. Another great orator, I find a great deal I like in his perspective. On the one hand, he's a snooty elitist and typically chauvinist, but what surprises me is how difficult it is for great humanists to apply their philosophies to their own lives. Nietzsche, like Schopenhauer (and smacking of much older Eastern Buddhist thought) believed that there were two drives in all of humanity. Apollo named the drive that compels us to make order of things, to categorize and individuate. I think this runs parallel to Freud's libido or creative energy. But later in life, Freud recognized Thanatos, which was the name for his "death drive" which he eventually believed was in conflict with the libido. The death drive was a limiting force which drives us to suicide and self destruction because like Nietzsche Dionysian drive, we are always trying to return to our original primordial inorganic state, a state of "oneness" with the world. Dionysus is the force of chaos that makes us dance in a crowd, losing our faces to a group ritual where we no longer exist as individuals but feel the "truth" of that blissful "oneness" sought after by Buddhist monks. He romanticized the society of the archaic Greeks whose Attic Tragedies were the locus of all activity, just as the Christian Church was in the Middle Ages and as Science became to modernity. Socrates, for Nietzsche, ruined the world by having such a profound influence through his charismatic oration that he caused us to think optimistically, and with great arrogance that we could "know" everything through logic. But even worse, Socrates believed we could "know" morality through logical reasoning. Great job Socrates - knowing requires education, and education then becomes another subjective measure by the elite or those in power. Classes emerge and the "unknowing" become justified as morally inept and thus dehumanized and we enslave them. Slavery, Socrates. The logical end of morality. Yep. Logically infallible.

Nietzsche sums it up for us:

"When to his horror, he sees how logic curls up around itself at these limits and finally bites its own tail, then a new form of knowledge breaks through, 'tragic knowledge,' which, simply to be endured, needs art for protection and as medicine."

Through art, that thing that is so illogical but as yet full of "truth" in an opposite but equally viable manner to scientific and logical "knowledge," we experience the Dionysian return to oneness that has become so foreign to us since the Industrial Revolution. I get it when I look at a Rothko painting or watch Tarkovsky's films? Does that make these artist more "truthful?" I think only in the sense that any "truth" is a fleeting, overturning ephemeral thing that we can lose ourselves in only for a moment, like the glitter of silk spun in the wind.

Do I know what this test piece of film that I made is? It's practically part of something bigger, a section of the entire form of an artwork I'm making. At worst I believe it has nothing to do with the larger philosophical issues I have discussed and is instead something much more personal to my own subjective aesthetic, technology, and expression, but at best you and Nietzsche and Socrates alike can get something out of the product that I am able to get out of the process of culmination.

Color Drawing Study of One Plate of Kloeshi Window

2011-09-09T07:18:00.000-07:00

Top left corner Plate. The first one has an extra glaze, I can't decide which one is more of a corporeal spirituality experience yet...

Color Studies with Skeleton and Mannequin III

2011-09-08T16:59:00.000-07:00

And finally:

Color Studies with Skeleton and Mannequin II

2011-09-08T16:56:00.000-07:00

Here are some more studies.

Color Studies with Skeleton and Mannequin I

2011-09-08T16:54:00.000-07:00

I shot these images last night to help with my drawing and color studies for my stained glass window. Some are altered in Photoshop and others I left alone. I think some are quite cinematic, some are sexy and some are just plain creepy.

On Making and Deification

2011-09-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

William Wallace's A Week in the Life of Michaelangelo follows the world's most celebrated sculptor through a the romantic back-looking gaze of veneration. While Wallace takes great care to illuminate the artist's difficulties, daily minutia, and treatment by other members of society with whom he had direct or indirect contact, he often glazes over his foibles, as is common of anyone whom we, as a present culture, deify. Wallace is fair, though, in contrast with historians who encase in marble the famous artist, himself, to preserve their pristine impression of his genius.

Why do we deify people? Individually, I see it as a beautiful justification for the variety of personalities and personal attributes we find in a world of people who are, indeed, not just like us. Culturally though, why do we zombies choose a lord? Why do we imbue a real person with the entire catalog of personal virtues in order to worship them? While plausible that a real person can be gifted with equal measures of some contrapuntal and even contradictory virtues (supreme perfection and supreme speed, for instance), its unrealistic and unfair to practice deification on human beings. But this is how folklore is borne.

As a filmmaker, I find that filmmakers often seek to do the opposite. A historical figure is so bound up in his tall-tale icon, it takes a certain measure of defamation on the part of the filmmaker to bring the genius "down to our level." However, the genius, depending on the nature and sturdiness of his fame can often be reduced to some cheating, swindling ne'er-do-well, and we lose our respect for either the figure or the filmmaker, depending on who we see as the least honest. Because he's dead, does it make it safe to deify the soul of the artist? As a culture, are we simply setting ourselves up for failure? And if that artist was still alive, are we more likely setting him up for failure.

I find in my own personal form of feminism the same problems of deification found in the art historical realm. Culturally if women are or were raised by the romantic and idealistic, upon a pedestal like vestal virgins carved into Michaelangeo's masterfully chosen marble, then there they must rest, frozen in mid-animation and essentially dead to be allowed to continue to exist. A pedestal is no place for a living being. There, under splendid shafts of light, they become stiff in an attempt just to continue living. But once the deity leaves his or her alter-cage, we the idealizers, the cruel romantics, unjustly feel lied to. Who were you that you tricked us so long?! You are nothing but an impostor, a fake and whore whose sole intention is to pretend to be something we will worship!

As woman, we unbound our feet, walked right up to these ignorant romantics and said "enough is enough!" But to avoid a sexist judgment, there are also women who idealize men by created gender roles emphasizing ideas like physical strength, guardianship, etc. there is a something about the discovery of someone who is in touch with the parts of ourselves that we are not, that encourages idealism from the latter. We see sensitivity in artists and assume the possessor of this quality was simply born special. But art is not a medium's occupation. It simply takes a practiced degree of spiritual searching and self reflection, both at our ugliest primal expressions, and at how ugly our individual egos are until we can lose our faces in making. Perhaps spectators are secretly as afraid to lose their egos as the artist who becomes lost in his/her work.

But perhaps it's just this ironic tension that has us making and spectating in the first place.

Thoughts on Icons and the era of images in terms of Nietzsche

2011-09-01T16:09:00.000-07:00

In his critique of modernity and his romanticism of Archaic Greek "tragic culture," Nietzsche speaks about the 'immediacy' of the cultural relationship to God(s)/spirituality. People could feel the presence of god directly through a painted vase. That ornamental image WAS God, and you knew because you could experience it with your senses, right now, in the present. What Socrates introduced with his rationalism and logic paved the way for the Martin Luther's and Calvin's Reformation. The Word is God, not the image. The image is of the heathen. This jives specifically with Socrates' ideas, passed on through his student Plato, of virtue. Through the rational and methodical Socratic method, we should all come to the same conclusions. That conclusion somehow, because we came to respect Socrates' groundbreaking suggestions, would need to come to the individual separately of their physical body. That is to say, the body is a fetter and a stumbling block from enlightenment. Therefore the enlightenment of knowing God could naturally no longer come from the experience of our visual sense.

So the Word is law now. And I'm an artist/philosopher, not an Art Historian, but I think it's Barthes whose Death of the Author finally exposed and de-deified Socratic rationalism. Nietzsche would say we had become alienated from our world, first and foremost because we had become estranged from our own bodies. We were not meant to trust our senses as they were physical barriers from our metaphysical ability to discover and understand God. Somehow reading text appears to transcend the bodily fetter with which we experience images. Nevermind how written language developed from glyphs. Like Socrates' universal logic by which we should naturally all of us come to the right and good and moral conclusions we need to live this present, but transient mortal coil of a life, a system of glyphs becomes abstracted, checked for efficiency, aestheticized, and catalogued as a law. The Word is a system of glyphs-turned-icons that we practice and memorize until we forget where they began. Gutenberg prints, with mathematical perfection, each letter in each word of a doctrine, and we suddenly have forgotten that our minds are looking at a system of images which each hold individual history and personal meaning. Now we are looking at Words.

The printed page lends itself to a new kind of immediacy that is firmly married to the industrial revolution. Machines become the new God as they are fashioned from the rational paths of modern science, the religious pinnacle of the beginning of modernity. I probably need to read Death of the Author again - but I concern myself in part with graphic design and with Letterforms. There is a mathematical preciseness to each letter of a font, which most people take for granted. Each letter in a font is not simply a letter in the alphabet but an architectural structure as meaningful to us in our time as was the Parthenon.

As far as making and meaning, we have been preoccupied with universal systems to unite us. We have abstracted images to the point that they no longer can allow us to experience personal meaning; that immediacy which the Archaic Greeks experienced when they used their senses to experience God. Somehow we still make art out of words. Artists are determined to find and make images that can give that experience and immediacy that we long for as mortals.

Thoughts on F.W. Nietzsche Part II (on Schein)

2011-08-29T10:10:00.000-07:00

Apparently no one should survive Wagner's Tristan and Isolde if it were presented in it's purely Dionysiac format. Everyone on stage would die of intense pleasure and pain at the same time when the audience disappeared in a puff of unnecessity.

Well now I have to see this opera, obviously.

And the word 'Schein' translates on Google to "sham"... so interpret this:

"Socrates correctly diagnoses tragedy as a purveyor of Schein, but fails utterly to see the point of this Schein. Part of the reason for this, Nietzsche thinks, is that Socrates is a deeply abnormal, unhealthy man, (and Nietzsche is so different? I mean that lovingly and with a little intellectual crush.) a man of stunted and perverted instincts and a diseased intellect that has run wild. His abnormality take the form of a kind of hyperintellectualized simple-mindedness. When he looks at tragedy, he fails to see it as an instance of life, and thinks it is just a simple lie/illusion." (Ah yes, I assume he's probably an ENTP, but that doesn't make him unhealthy or diseased of intellect. I would also guess Nietzsche was an INTJ or an INFJ, though probably the former since he seems kind of detached from actual people [not the ideas of people he knows] in his life. Also just because I'm an INFJ, doesn't mean everyone whose opinions I like to listen to will be one too.)

However, from the current Cambridge translation by Raymond Geuss, schein means "semblance." I'm still not certain what is meant by this semblance which gets used an awful lot throughout Birth of a Tragedy, but it has something to do with reflecting the well-balanced Appoline dream-image in measure with some good old-fashioned Dionysiac chaos.

Thoughts on F.W. Nietzsche Part I

2011-08-29T09:46:00.000-07:00

Nietzsche's 'Will' appears to be similar to Freud's "libido." The underlying tension of the world revolves around sexual desire on a base level. I would jump in and attach some degree of violence to that scenario, but since violent primal urges are not something I have ever experienced, I suppose those who do could classify those urges as sexual too. Because women don't seem to display the same sort of violent urges man can, and because I know from B.W. Pelham's psychological studies of implicit and explicit self esteem that men are less self-reflective and thus less in touch with their own concept of themselves, it is indeed possible that I agree with Nietzsche in that The Will, keenly expressed in sexual desire, drives all humans towards satiation or frustration.

When Nietzsche describes Socrates as the ruination of artistic society, pitting his suggestion that men are capable of controlling their own destinies entirely through the acquisition of scientific and/or moral knowledge, against the previous Apolline/Dionysiac dualism he seems to look far too romantically at what he terms the "tragic culture" of Archaic Greece. According to Raymond Geuss's Introduction to Birth of a Tragedy, "Apolline" connotes a different reference to the Greek Apollo than does the word "Apollonian" which I construe to be about physical magnificentness and celebrity as opposed to the author's suggestion of individuality and self-discipline. Also Dionysiac seems to describe the organic way in which improv happens leaving the home base of structure in music, rather than "Dionysian" decadence and general anarchy for the sake of pleasing the flesh at any cost. I do agree that any institution or being does have both of those concepts within and one is usually more dominant - this explains the Myers-Briggs P (Dionysiac) or J (Apolline) preference.

But the author describes Wagner's Gesamtkunstwerk, his narrative operas as having that Dionysiac quality and I have never known a musician who didn't discipline him/herself even to the point of bleeding on an instrument during practice. How do you create organic art with others having no socialization in music, no hard-earned skill, no long-practiced repertoire? Fishy.

Though Birth of a Tragedy was critically panned at publication, I'm fond of the basic problem the critic, Wilamowitz had with it. From Geuss's Intro:

"Apart from various points of detail, Wilamowitz correctly diagnosed and categorically rejected Nietzsche's attempt to do 'philology' in a way that would make it more like philosophy or art than like a strict 'wissenschaft'; the proper mode of access to the ancient world, Wiliamowitz asserted, was through the painstaking study of history 'in der askese selbstverlaufender arbeit' (of asceticism in self-leveling work), not through the mystic insights used in Birth of a Tragedy. It is perfectly true that,given a choice, Nietzsche would prefer Weisheit to Wissenschaft, so there was no real response he could make to that basic charge."

And just for reference from Wikipedia:

Philology is the study of language in written historical sources; it is a combination of literary studies, history and linguistics.^[1]

Classical philology is the philology of Greek and Classical Latin. Classical philology is historically primary, originating in European Renaissance Humanism, but was soon joined by philologies of other languages both European (Germanic, Celtic, Slavistics, etc.) and non-European (Sanskrit, Persian, Arabic, Chinese, etc.). Indo-European studies involves the philology of all Indo-European languages as comparative studies.

Any classical language can be studied philologically, and indeed describing a language as "classical" is to imply the existence of a philological tradition associated with it.

Two Haikus

2011-08-21T08:58:00.001-07:00

I am your body
Forget me not, though I am
Animal and bones

I am your spirit
Forget me not, though I am
Sky without practice

Adventure Scouting

2011-08-18T13:33:00.001-07:00

I went on an adventure today to scout some locations off the beaten path that I have seen by chance and photograph them for near future use. I already have ideas for at least one of these locations.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

Richard Dawkins

2011-03-24T14:32:00.000-07:00

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=9180871

Above is an NPR podcast, which I am referencing in the following rant about Richy Rich Dawkins.

Oh Richard Dawkins oh Rick-tiki-tiki Dawkins, you typical anglo-asshole alpha-male wannabe...

It’s just that it’s such a mundane argument. It’s the upper-middle-class white boy’s argument. It’s all he knows. It’s the only way he feels any purpose insinuating himself into the world. Intellectualism! Science! His argument is bullying at core, which is my problem with him. And while I realize that any dissenting opinion, especially that of a notorious iconoclast, can be interpreted as bullying, this one is just so old, cliché and boring to me.

Religion is boring? No! Absolutely not! Look below, and see how it’s my life’s work. You could say I’m as passionate about exposing the counter-human quality of the anti-religion sentiments of alpha-male characters masking their words under the all-consuming title of “science,” as Mr. Dawkins is about stamping out the “medieval, parochial and impotent” mindset of those who want or need religion to feel that their lives are the most meaningful. It’s not even that I disagree with the statements he makes. I simply hear this argument over and over and see two fanged animals duking it out over an unclaimed piece of carrion or a mate. Science vs. Religion. How trite.

He’s asked why people don’t become more moral as a species, but in response, he asks “If you look at the selfish gene view, the question is, ‘why are we as moral as we are?’” He expresses wonder at the capacity of humans to be altruistic in the face of natural selection. (20:00) As I see it, people are indeed both animals and humans. Like Dawkins describes in his proposal that humans and all species down to the most basic micro-organism share bits of the same “machine code,” we descend from the smallest primordial bacterium. However, we also make meaning. Around 15:40 he states explicitly that people make their own meaning. And yet he scoffs at Francis Collins of the Human Genome Project “smuggling God back in” when we have a perfectly poetic explanation of the Universe without Him (or Her or It).

Again, this says to me, that Dawkins, just like Billy Graham or Bin Laden, is obsessed with being the man (or woman, sure, just to be fair) with the one “true” answer or the awe-inspiring offerings of the “real world,” as he puts it. The world of data collection and organization, the structures by which he is trained as a biologist, as a philosopher, as a person are all a world he has created and which has created him. His “real world” is as real and as rich as that of the religious zealot. To call God “superfluous” or “redundant” when “Science” provides a perfectly poetic and “factual” explanation of the universe, just reveals his personality. What is any less poetic about the abstract thinker’s reasoning that God and Evolution exist beside and of eachother, than Dawkin’s concrete reasoning that “redundancy” is not beautiful. He hates inefficiency. It’s part of his psychological human disposition to dislike inefficiency or neat boxes, just like it is the psychological human predisposition to feel a discomfort with no life after death.

He admits to being a product of his culture, giving credence to the music and art of the Anglican Church. He is also a product of the culture of the scientific community, a no-nonsense, inefficiency untolerated environment of charts and grids – more boxes. People love boxes. Give people their god box to store in it their Einsteinian beliefs alongside their stained-glass windows and choirs.

It all comes back to the Darwinian animal need to be the alpha. Dawkins was right. What he’s wrong about is assuming that the humanity which gives us the capacity to make meaning through religion, art, family, science or whatever else we do with our lives is what’s going to win his argument. If his genes were so well-evolved he wouldn’t need to argue. He could chill out about the fact that religion is as beautiful and as uncertain and as ever-changing as science, or rather that they’re really both the same thing. To take a camp and fight the opposite camp is as futile as the human who hides the animal within himself, or perhaps more evident the animal who represses the humanity within himself. We can never be balanced without respecting both in all people. One man’s universe is only as "true" or "real" as the words he can define it with or the feelings he can impart on another man. The “evidence” (29:48) is as much in the tomes of biology as the Bible, but also as much in the feeling of genuflecting to God in a vast architectural structure as in the awe of looking through the lens of a microscope.

Bones On Viola

2011-02-08T12:09:00.000-08:00

From the following still.

T-minus Frame 241, and counting.

Cvellish: Das Font ist Borne!

2011-02-06T17:57:00.000-08:00

Below is the conveniently 26-phonetic character set I created for my fake language which is currently being called "Cvellish." There are a few sounds or letters from english I avoid. For instance there is no i because what I hear is the intersection of ah and ee. so there are 6 "vowels" representing all the open mouth sounds one can make with no aspiration. I saw no use for a K, S AND C, when I could just cut the C and have all the same sounds. I cut X, surmising one could just put the K and S sounds together to make the same sound. Instead I added a symbol for SH and CH as well as those not used so often in English, like ZS and TSYuh, which is really just a more aspirated, staccato version of TH.

Improv Ensemble: Live Painting 1

2011-02-06T17:46:00.000-08:00

Today in Improv Ensemble with John Ritz, I drew in Photoshop to the music the rest of the musicians (and I am allowed to say that because they call me a musician! <3 <3 <3) improvised some various collaborations. I keep learning new words when I hang out with them... like ostinato, which I'd heard before but never really understood. Delightful. At any rate, this is the piece that was the result of the A/V collaborative process.

I'm not saying I think it's stellar, but it did happen in real time to music, and in front of a small audience as well.

Poltergeist: A Haiku

2011-02-03T06:13:00.000-08:00

Don't trust the bed sheets.
Don't sleep with your legs apart.
Don't expect you're safe.

Dopamine: A Haiku

2011-02-01T11:43:00.000-08:00

Squabbles with lovers
And cocaine, were never worth
The sex they provoked

Sinus Pressure: A Haiku

2010-12-20T13:28:00.000-08:00

From across the room
Your pheramones make me sneeze
That you might inside.

Trash Day: A Haiku

2010-10-20T11:54:00.000-07:00

a roll and a half
of toilet paper I cried
because I'm alone

Drugs: A Haiku

2010-10-20T06:16:00.000-07:00

Mom says I need them.
My brother says "Bootstraps, sis!"
But I've lost the way.

2010/2011 UofL Theatre Season Poster Designs

2010-09-20T11:29:00.000-07:00

Here's what I've been working on in my Letterforms Directed Study. So far I've done the assignment with the rest of the class but now that I have made some fairly killer content, I'm going to animate it with After Effects.

The original assignment was a 4 piece poster series for the University of Louisville Theatre Season. These posters promote each show specifically, but follow one design concept that advertises them in a series.

By keeping certain design elements throughout, such as the hand-drawn look, the palette, the theme of "hands" and the fonts, I traveled fluidly through the season within my design.

Finally, I wanted to create four pieces that After Effects could easily move through in real time with a "cemera." So I kept the movement of the gold lines and text in such a way that the design sort of continues from left to right through the season. When I finish the After Effects promo I will post the final result. That's the part I'm really still learning...

Drawing Again!

2010-09-11T09:34:00.000-07:00

I did this freehand with my tablet in Photoshop. I think I'm getting better at drawing with the tablet and photoshop. Big props up to Rush and Jon Paul for showing me that drawing could be done beautifully and digitally at the same time. This drawing is for a poster design for Leslie's Letterforms class/my independent study. Eventually After Effects will come into play. But for now, I'm excited about my drawing. Woot!

Kloeshi's Dream I

2010-07-24T14:53:00.000-07:00

Kloeshi sees Kosta in her dreams, coming down a hillside in summer. Her vision blurs. She is in the dream.

He comes singing to greet her. She contains her excitement. There is nothing else... no one else.

Think Like A Scorpio: Part I

2010-07-23T06:34:00.000-07:00

Little Barks

2010-07-20T12:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was "being pulled one way by my emotions and another by logic" according to tarot.com's horoscopes as the moon moved into my possessive emotional water sign of Scorpio and the sun hangs in protective, smothering, mothering Cancer. Today, I'm "trying to reinvent myself," led to change through "a vision" rather than "objective facts."

There is a part of me that is embarrassed of my behavior yesterday because it was uncharacteristically impulsive. However, it was characteristically passionate and visceral, and subjectively necessary. I didn't really want a reaction, I just wanted to react loudly and most of all, I wanted to boast my instinctual accuracy.

However, I'm shady about the actual facts. Rather than admitting defeat in a game played with balls when all I was given was horseshoes, I'll just apologize for my impulsive accusatory indirectness. My logical brain doesn't know the facts. I just felt an emotional hiccup. Sunday, he calls me after he finishes his day's activities and doesn't know why he's calling me. It feels comfortable I assume. He treats me like I am his own. But this is not new. It's not new that he's thinking about me in my absence. And it's been addressed. It's been thoroughly discussed. We have been at an impasse for a long time. I just gave up and lied flacidly out of control a few feet away. Perhaps this was part of the process. I thought I was the pet. The rescue, fighting her adopted family, certain that they would be like the last; I'm a small dog, and cautious and getting closed in by arms of an adopter who will accidentally crush my bones. It's not that I don't appreciate his zeal, it's just that I'm scared to death of him for my mortal safety. But who is the pet? Who's taming who? Now, if I should break the leash, he would come calling after me. For days, weeks, maybe months. I broke the leash before. I survived. And he quit calling me home after a bit. But he outwaited me. I got in range and he snagged me up again and took me home. I resisted a little, but exhausted from the stupid game, I lied there hoping he'd pet me. For 6 hours he petted me and we played and talked about the future. But he said it was a 6 hour short circuit the next day. He didn't mean to pet me. And so he was simply sorry. But now I was back in the yard, fenced in, where we could happily coexist in close proximity, lest I disappear again. But I was tired, and I just lied down to rest.

And then suddenly we began pulling weight together. Working. Writing. Making. Equals. "Two footstools together make a staircase." he said. I glowed a little. And then he rolls over for me to pet him. Who is the pet? I wonder... but he doesn't pet me. So who is the pet and who is the animal? For me they are the same. For him only one person is the animal, the other, the master. There is no petting. Yet he rolls over in my lap.

So I go on an adventure. I pull my leash as far as it can go and give it a tug to see if he notices I'm gone. He doesn't. So I tell him. I feel too guilty and disloyal not to. But he doesn't care what I do. I'm just an animal in the yard and if someone wants to pet me that's fine so long as it doesn't take me out of the yard.

The leash is invisible. Or I've fabricated the leash in my own mind. Or there is no snap to indicate the severing. Nothing. Wind. Air. Meaninglessness. I like the foreigner whose home I've adventured to, but only because he pets me. Literally and physically, he pets me. He doesn't pull weight with me. We are not a staircase... he just... pets me. But I return with full confidence that I am lovable and adorable. I am your pet, and you must pet me if I roll over...

No... I lie there with my belly in the air and he complains. I cry and leave with my tail between my legs... I don't know where my home is. He gets all Buddhist - home is an idea. Something the ego clings to. And to cling is to suffer. Perpetually. Forever.

I'm resolute. I'm a big dog. It doesn't matter. We have pulled weight together. We are a staircase. We have somewhere to climb to. We are equals.

We write... our minds drift to separate places... we are not equal. We are looking to separate suns. Why does he call me? Why does he think about me? Why am I part of his routine? Like a pet, I suppose, I just wag my tail. Such a small, insignificant thing. But I do it every day and I never grow tired of it. I laugh because he makes me happy. He laughs because I make him happy. But I don't bark now. So he doesn't realize he has a pet.

But the hiccup occurs. Things don't add up. He interrupts our routine. He interrupts his routine. He takes time off work... and cleans? He's sleeping during his time off? I can believe that... but I ask, for who? With who? Do I have the right to know? I am not his pet, so no. I am just an animal, unbound, unleashed. But I barked 7 months ago because I would eventually show my teeth if he kept me as a pet and a stranger walked in. Little you? Little tail-wagging you? No. Never. He can't believe it. So I bark, and he says hush. I break my leash and he finds me. So I just wag my tail, because well... at this point that's just what tails do. But there it is, a hiccup. A stranger. I smell her. I don't know who she is but the smell is so pungent and I feel so angry, the clues point me to a spectre from Cincinnati... he has mentioned her. Is my assessment accurate? I assume so. But I could be wrong, logically wrong. Either way, I am your pet because you keep me on a leash in the yard. I've smelled something that has a menacing odor. I trusted you. Not because it was logical or because you asked me to trust you, but because you made me your pet. You kept me as your pet.

So impulsively, I bark, loudly, viciously, jealously. Who is with my boy? What is she doing to him? But no, he's not my boy. He has no pets. He is just a man... I'm just a woman. And I'm fine when I wag my tail, but not so much, if I bark. I don't want to bark or show my teeth. I never did. And I told you I would a long time ago. I barked then, when I was still a woman. Now I'm your pet, and I don't understand when you don't come home at night. And I am terrified of losing what I never had. And I forecasted all of this 7 months ago.

So now he tells me he doesn't listen to me. He hears me but is not always present when I speak. 7 months later he decides he wants to understand me. So where did all my breadcrumbs disappear to? Who has he spent 7 months acquainting himself with? Who does he think I am? Who is this person he likes? She is not his pet, nor has ever been and she has known this, but wagged her tail anyway and barked, hoping against stupid hope to be seen or heard anyway. I sigh as I ask.. aren't tails meant to wag?

At this point, I feel, more so than I think, which I did long before my heart could catch up, that I'm barking up the wrong tree. I'm a guard dog between the feet of he who I've sworn to protect, while we both scuttle about awkwardly trying to keep him from stepping on me. It's so impractical. He'd rather a cat to claw him.

And what use is a tiny guard dog with a tiny little bark... menacing, right? I will no longer create needs for myself where there are none. I'm rather pointless here. And there's no leash anymore than there is someone at the other end of it. The world is full of useless, treacherous adventures for little dogs with no where in particular to go. I'm itching with doctorate programs like fleas to find and conquer... there are too many things I could expend my useless energy scratching at.

The toy schnauzer above is Horatio. He was a rescue and is a very Good Dog.

Song For A Dead End (or a Rainbow)

2010-07-08T18:11:00.000-07:00

He's a rainbow,
When he comes,
To me,
With a brainstorm in his eyes.
He's a rainbow,
When he comes.
And brings me a hundred new questions with all he implies...

He's a color,
Then another,
And he's there on every wavelength
In between.
He's a spectre,
On a spectrum,
He's the most peculiar science I've ever seen.

And I'll try not be faithless,
Though the sky's such a vague...
Thing sometimes;
No walls or lines.
Just sunset and rise.

He's a razor,
When I kiss him,
And sometimes he leaves blood,
In my mouth.
But he's a rainbow,
When I miss him.
And how can my compass point north when everything goes south?

So I try to be patient
When I'm filled up with rain-
bows and knives;
Where doubt archives.
I've lived nine too many lives.

He's a rainbow,
When he comes,
To me with all the energy,
of the sun.
And I'm a rainbow,
When he comes.
Isn't this what all the elements looked like when they were still one?

And if we are a storm cloud,
You're the air where I hang,
At the very height,
Of human sight;
Just reflecting your light.

I'm just reflecting your light.

Conjecturing on Saturn...

2010-06-10T11:43:00.000-07:00

Zodiac Secret No. 4

Avoid the Shadows of Saturn

A shadow is created when an object stands between you and the light. Another person can stand as a shadow in your life, block out your spirit, and prevent you from getting what you want. Here's how you can recognize such a person.

Once you print out the chart, look for the position of his Saturn. If his Saturn is found in the sign of Scorpio, you have a problem. This will not be a zodiac love match.
Why?
Remember, that just for the sake of this exercise, we decided that you had your Sun in Scorpio. This man's Saturn is in the same sign as your Sun. This is the problem. You will feel like this man is a shadow hanging over your spirit. You will always feel dark and heavy around him. This would be quite depressing. Why?
Because Saturn is a restrictive and inhibiting force. It represents the basic fear in all of us -- what we don't want to look at --- what we avoid and suppress. This is because Saturn is ofen called a planet of karma because it represents fears that we need to confront and eventually resolve in understanding.
The light of your Sun in Scorpio, your ego and individual spirit, shines upon what the Saturn man does not want to look at. Therefore, he will try to suppress and criticize you . He does not want you to do what you like to do. You like expressing your deep emotional intensity and sexuality with your lover and he is afraid of real intimacy. He has a need to control you and suppress your need for intense emotional connections with others because of his deep fear of exposure, which is very necessary for true intimacy.
In short, you will not be able to be free with him. You cannot be who you are with him. He will not be able to share in this need of yours. In fact, he will criticize you for it because it arouses his own fear.
The lesson that you must learn from this secret is:
"Make sure his Saturn is not in the same sign as your Sun and that your Saturn is not in the same sign as his Sun."

http://www.skysage.com/zodiacsecrets.html

Oddly enough, the "heaviness" described above perfectly explains how I felt about most of the major relationships I've had. Most recently, I met someone I became suddenly very attached too and immediately had this rush of dread which I couldn't explain in any other way than simply I'd felt it before and I could lay out the progression of my entire future relationship with this person after having spent 3 days with him.

I decided to see how many of those relationships shadowed my Scorpio Sun with an opposing Scorpio Saturn. The results were very interesting...

Charts of the 3 most significant others/important/influential relationships I've had in my 28.5 years. Note the Saturn placements:

Birth summary for Lexi :

Planet	Deg	Sign	Min
Sun	19º	Scorpio	53'
Moon	26º	Taurus	01'
Mercury	4º	Scorpio	08'
Venus	6º	Capricorn	58'
Mars	12º	Virgo	41'
Jupiter	27º	Libra	01'
Saturn	17º	Libra	15'
Uranus	29º	Scorpio	45'
Neptune	23º	Sagittarius	21'
Pluto	25º	Libra	17'
Ascendant	6º	Libra	30'
Midheaven	7º	Cancer	09'

This is my INT/FJ who has had me torn up for 6 months now. Like many past others, we have a cyclical relationship where I can't imagine finding someone I could love anymore (thus I am blinded to all others), he "NEEDS" me as a friend (i.e. needs me on a string) and guilt trips and criticizes me for things I know to be true for myself. Like all good Libras, he thinks things to be "objectively true" or false while I KNOW that there is nothing "objectively true" in the world. Best quote - "Prom Night is an objectively bad movie." If we agree, the objective truths are fine. If we disagree, such as in the case of emotions and relationships, it's very not fine. Check out his Saturn placement! And then, if you dare, check out my Saturn placement again.

Birth summary for Brian:

Planet	Deg	Sign	Min
Sun	20º	Libra	55'
Moon	2º	Aquarius	04'
Mercury	9º	Libra	48'
Venus	6º	Virgo	20'
Mars	9º	Virgo	10'
Jupiter	9º	Sagittarius	04'
Saturn	5º	Scorpio	17'
Uranus	6º	Sagittarius	37'
Neptune	26º	Sagittarius	50'
Pluto	29º	Libra	08'
Ascendant	14º	Aquarius	57'
Midheaven	2º	Sagittarius	51'

Rather than describing my sporadic multi-year involvement with this one, who I loved possibly harder than I've loved anyone in my life but who was the most distant of all the important ones, and again who would not allow me the title of "girlfriend." Ever. I will just copy/paste an email to me from said lover for the nebula to devour:

< CHRIST, people have been breaking my balls lately. Here's the plan:  I
was writing this huge letter regarding myself and this alleged immaturity
that everyone sees, but instead I'm going to request that you CUT OUT THE
EMO QUEERSHIT and SHOVE IT UP YER ASS!

Okay, well, I guess I am selfish.  I at least know I'm self-centered, but I
don't trust anyone who isn't at least a little self-centered.  As for this
whole distance thing you needed back in the day, yeah I can see that as
immature and selfish.  However, you must understand I'm not used to being
the object of someone's affection-- EVER.  I'm ugly and awkward, so it was a
new experience, you must forgive me if I didn't handle it delicately.  At
the time I was amazed by your friendship and it was really helping me
through  bad times and bla bla bla.  You know, I woke up this morning and my
fucking eye was killing me.  It just hurts, like it's been scratched, and
nothing helps.  So I'm fucking pissed off and annoyed right now, I'm going
to get off here and go smoke, call it immature but I'm leaving this email
mostly unanswered because I can only type with one hand and I feel horrible.
TO sum things up, I don't care if I'm immature or not.  Ne ne ne ne.

-Jeff
>>

Birth summary for Jeff :
Planet    Deg    Sign    Min
Sun       21º     Capricorn       57'
Mercury 0º     Capricorn       35'
Venus       8º     Pisces       41'
Mars       13º     Pisces       41'
Jupiter       24º     Capricorn       05'
Saturn       25º     Scorpio       44'
Uranus       15º     Sagittarius       59'
Neptune 1º     Capricorn       54'
Pluto       4º     Scorpio       34'

This was my longest boyfriend of 4-ish years full of interims where I unsuccessfully severed the relationship only to have him pull the "friend" guilt trip on me, a guise to keep me under his jealous watch, but more importantly to keep me from finding someone that could actually make me happy. The biggest, cruelest critic of my personality, life choices, aesthetics, sense of humor and every other facet of my being that defines me as an individual. Note, in this case, my Saturn placement and the fact that its the same as his. But additionally his own Saturn placement shadows him from seeing his Sun in the same time. He is a very self-defeatist person. He tends to take it out on others, but he quite often takes it out on himself too. Let me follow up that between this subtly abusive relationship of 4 years and the physically abusive whirlwind relationship that suddenly followed (even drove the last wedge into whatever thing we were trying to salvage between us after 4 years) it took me 4 years to feel like "myself" again, and it took 8 years apart to feel like the relationship was not still impeding my abilities to move forward with my life.

Birth summary for Greg :

Planet	Deg	Sign	Min
Sun	23º	Libra	00'
Moon	11º	Capricorn	45'
Mercury	17º	Scorpio	18'
Venus	13º	Virgo	05'
Mars	2º	Sagittarius	50'
Jupiter	27º	Virgo	45'
Saturn	3º	Libra	02'
Uranus	23º	Scorpio	54'
Neptune	20º	Sagittarius	27'
Pluto	21º	Libra	45'
Ascendant	0º	Leo	28'
Midheaven	16º	Aries	15'

And just for fun, charts from some more notable blasts from my past:

This one was married and yes, it got ugly. And yes, I tried to avoid it before it happened and yes, I was ashamed the whole time. And yes, he lied to me among others. A lot. And yes it was A) virtually impossible to avoid because we worked together - every day, and often alone and B) virtually impossible because he was an Aries and didn't listen to a practical thing I said. I had to quit my job to end the unhealthy cycle here.

Birth summary for Jeromy :

Planet	Deg	Sign	Min
Sun	2º	Aries	04'
Moon	22º	Pisces	33'
Mercury	4º	Pisces	19'
Venus	16º	Aquarius	17'
Mars	13º	Gemini	24'
Jupiter	3º	Pisces	22'
Saturn	28º	Gemini	17'
Uranus	26º	Libra	44'
Neptune	9º	Sagittarius	35'
Pluto	5º	Libra	34'
Ascendant	21º	Libra	38'
Midheaven	27º	Cancer	02'

Let's observe one that seemed pretty mutually stimulating emotionally and intellectually. Physically not too bad either. Practically, he had a kid and never moved out of his mom's house. Complacent and lazy, there was little I could do light a fire under this one. This was a case of me doing the same thing to him that was done to me by others - I wouldn't call him my boyfriend but we had a relationship. Mainly this was because he tried to date me and another girl at the onset of both of those relationships, both girls were hurt by this and though I forgave the injury eventually, I never trusted him and I was unwilling to commit to someone with so little ambition who had already made such a dramatic mark in the first week of to title or not to title... basically I was waiting for a justification and felt I deserved better anyway.

Birth Chart for Noah:

Planet	Deg	Sign	Min
Sun	22º	Cancer	48'
Moon	6º	Libra	45'
Mercury	29º	Cancer	59'
Venus	3º	Virgo	33'
Mars	11º	Cancer	06'
Jupiter	1º	Sagittarius	21'
Saturn	27º	Libra	54'
Uranus	5º	Sagittarius	26'
Neptune	27º	Sagittarius	11'
Pluto	26º	Libra	44'
Ascendant	24º	Scorpio	34'
Midheaven	6º	Virgo	06'

This is the chart of the first actual "boyfriend" I had since Greg. That is to say, he was proud to introduce me to people as his "girlfriend," he possessed me, and made it clear to me and to others that we were together. However, we had little in common and note he is another self-defeater. Also, he is the kind who tries to bring down those he sees who are successful, and if he can't, he resents or dislikes them for their success. Note again the Saturn and Sun placement.

Birth summary for Nathaniel :

Planet	Deg	Sign	Min
Sun	10º	Virgo	17'
Moon	15º	Virgo	33'
Mercury	22º	Leo	24'
Venus	26º	Libra	16'
Mars	18º	Libra	56'
Jupiter	29º	Cancer	34'
Saturn	4º	Virgo	48'
Uranus	13º	Scorpio	08'
Neptune	15º	Sagittarius	33'
Pluto	15º	Libra	13'
Ascendant	24º	Taurus	45'
Midheaven	4º	Aquarius	22'

This one again, good friend dynamic, plenty to talk about, philosophical minds compatible. Practical issues, like oh having a job, not wasting money borrowed from others on drugs, not living with his parents, and self-reliance in any capacity or other such things I value, not so hot. Musically inclined and a gentle, kind soul however. Again, note the Saturn placement.

Birth summary for Matt :

Planet	Deg	Sign	Min
Sun	5º	Aquarius	39'
Moon	27º	Pisces	56'
Mercury	19º	Capricorn	43'
Venus	22º	Pisces	38'
Mars	23º	Pisces	55'
Jupiter	27º	Capricorn	14'
Saturn	26º	Scorpio	44'
Uranus	16º	Sagittarius	39'
Neptune	2º	Capricorn	22'
Pluto	4º	Scorpio	43'
Ascendant	12º	Aries	00'
Midheaven	6º	Capricorn	48'

Progress Report 2: Church Window

2010-04-28T08:16:00.000-07:00

Got the sawdust vacuumed up, the window exterior blacked and the back of the thing all framed up. It's not the sturdiest thing is the world but it's made 2 trips in my hatchback now without breaking. The unfortunate thing is that I have to stick my head up between one of the openings in the wood too see while I drive, so if I get in a wreck, I will be decapitated... so it goes. Here is what I worked on last night. First the design plan in black and white.

The central figure.

And the 4 encircling figures on the top,

the left,

the bottom,

and the right.

I'm not making good time, but I like what it looks like so far and I'm really proud of what a stellar job I think I'm doing. Delusional. Maybe... that's how I live.

Progress Report - Church Window

2010-04-24T17:49:00.000-07:00

My landlady is going to kill me!

I didn't have a jigsaw but I do have a reciprocating saw, and I cut this whole thing out of 1/4 lauan with a reciprocating saw. I couldn't get it timed right either so I could use the projector to cast the image to cut, and I actually had to do the geometry instead. Gag. But here is where I am on my church window.

I included this angle for scale. The window is a 7'0" circle meant to mimic the Rose Window from Notre Dame or other such gothic/romanesque churches.

Artist's Statement to come...

The Mehrya Rug

2010-04-15T14:38:00.000-07:00

This is my design for a rug I'm making in my Collaborative Projects class with a student named Mehrya, whose family came here from Afghanistan. The eye shapes are a natural geometric intersection of the style of design I pulled from actual afghan rug art, but are meant to represent the fear of her family as they struggled through the explosions and carnage and war which compelled their dramatic escape. The bone shapes also speak to the fatal path of their journey. Although Mehrya was not born yet, her family's struggle to care for siblings and eventually bring her into the world is firmly planted in her self-identity. However, Mehrya herself is a sunny and bright person, a beacon I can only imagine to her family - someone who makes them happy and strong in her warmth. I have represented her in the center of the rug with the radiating beams, and a smaller version of the eye pattern, which is round and more human and insists on looking not to the fearful events of the past but to the human possibilities of the future.

Kloeshi ei Kosta - Work in Progress

2010-03-02T05:11:00.000-08:00

This is just the beginning.

This is the bottom.

The middle.

Some detail.

The top.

And for scale reference, the skeleton marionette will be a little taller than me.

Medieval Macabre and Font Research

2010-02-25T07:05:00.000-08:00

I was trying to concentrate only on church arcade sculptural imagery from the Romanesque Period which depicts scenes of hell and the torture of humans who lead an "immoral" or impious life. This imagery was a prime instructional tool of the medieval period to lead people away from paganism and oddly enough away from the fanciful mythology of the Roman and Greek culture.

I found quite a bit of Medieval imagery, but not specifically from the Romanesque arcades. I'm looking for that high contrast stone work just jam packed with people getting tortured. I'm going to draw a small set. I'm mountiing it on foamcore and driving my new HDSLR (fingers crossed I get it tomorrow after I get paid...) through the scenery for the opening shot of the short film I previously mentioned working on, which is tentatively called Lisolette and Gregory.

I am also looking at text from Medieval manuscripts and attempting to create writing in the visual aspects of this work which looks as if it says something but the characters will not actually mean anything. I'm very interested in the use of written and verbal language in art, as language is both beautiful and practical for communication but highly inefficient in some aspects. Language, while noble in its attempt, can never describe certain personal experiences. This is a thought I've mulled over lately which was inspired by recent discussions about Buddhism.

I will continue paring down the visual research until I find the exact period I'm looking for, and the imagery I know exists... I remember from art history, eight years ago. Surely I remember correctly...

Pictures of The Floating World

2010-02-16T06:16:00.000-08:00

Works of Kitagawa Utamaro:

Works of Katsushika Hokusai:

Objectless

2010-02-16T05:25:00.000-08:00

Shunga, or "spring" art, initially held lower class popular appeal in 7th and 8th century Japanese culture until it became suddenly fashionable in 19th century Europe and imported massively by Dutch merchants. Namely, Kitagawa Utamaro's ukiyo-e, or "pictures of the floating world," were in high demand. With a delicate eroticism and a sense of melancholy, his works rendered the inherent sadness in a life of pleasure seeking and the act of love.

For me there was a spirituality to the muted ethereal quality of these pillow book illuminations. There was a sweetness and uncharacteristic sense of permanence to these renderings of the sex act. In Objectless, I borrowed from the naturalistic interiors and landscapes of Japanese imagery for the three inked illuminations. In each depiction, however, the male identity is either obscured by flora or intentionally draped in concealment by the female figure.

The fish were a personal symbol for sexuality as I find their wide, lifeless eyes and chaotic movement seductive and terrifying. There is no doubt a mystifying allure to the appearance of the fish. A classic symbol of miracle, providence and magic, for me the fish is both beautiful and hideous. Spewing forth from the inguen of the erotically posed female nude beneath, the arched bodies of the koi-like vertebrates are both fluid and spastic where they are caught in motion, either swimming the depths in harmony with their watery nature, or squirming, panicked and purged from their safe place. They mimic the meaningless gestural language connecting the pieces of the illuminated story.

Both submissive and aggressive, sprung on her knees, the figure beneath the romantic illuminations is consumed in her half-formed fantasies and objectless desire, isolated beneath a soft translucent fabric sheet, her saddened identity, still as yet, half-formed.

Pillow Book Illuminations I

2010-02-13T14:04:00.000-08:00

I chose not to render the other person in the sex act since the work is about wanting an object, and not having one. I am looking at a lot of Shunga specifically and intend to finish 3 more little square illuminations such as this one to attach to the larger work with the fish.

I think fish are a wonderful symbol for sexuality because they are free, fluid, frightening, beautiful, and squirmy when you take them out of their safe place. The following picture is a bit disturbing and funny, but I think I'm not the only person who is getting the sexy fish vibe going on. As for the picture, here is where it came from.

Shunga and Kama Sutra Art

2010-02-10T06:35:00.000-08:00

The above and below are some visual considerations I'm taking with my work. There is such a sense of spirituality in many of these ancient erotic art works, I don't think I'm alone in feeling there is a religious or spiritual component to the sex act. This theme, I like so many before me, am exploring in my current art work.

Totally Fixated

2010-02-01T11:58:00.000-08:00

Enneagram Type Two (the Helper)
with
Enneagram Type Three (the Achiever)

What Each Type Brings to the Relationship

Both Enneagram Twos and Threes are driven by their feelings and emotional needs-although this is not always apparent in the case of Threes. Both are also driven by their need for attention and the desire to be loved-although this is not always apparent in the case of Twos. But for these reasons, both are oriented toward people and toward activities that will place them in the spotlight. This makes the Two/Three couple one of the most interpersonally attractive and impactful pairings possible. Individually and collectively, they are outgoing, sociable, high-spirited, charming, and often physically attractive. Both know how to make a favorable impression on people and to win them over. Each type brings energy, personal and social ambition, the ability to communicate with people and to make others feel like they are the center of attention. Both know how to get people to like them and to rally support to achieve their goals. Twos in particular bring a more personal, individual focus to their interactions with others. They are thoughtful and follow up exchanges with genuine kindness and compassion. Threes bring flexibility, charm, practicality, and a goal-oriented vision for ways the couple can improve. Twos like to feel proud of their loved ones, and Threes want to make their partner proud.

There is also a particular way that this pairing works as a team: Twos like to put the spotlight on others, and Threes like to be in the spotlight. Twos like to be the power behind the throne, and Threes can be happy being the point person for the couple. As long as healthy Threes appreciate the lavish attention of the Two, this arrangement can work well. In a sense, this is almost an ideal political couple—socially adept, energetic, virtually radiating charm and self-confidence, inviting others (by their manner and attractiveness) to join them in some way. Twos and Threes can be dazzling—a couple so widely admired and socially gifted that they become icons for their social sphere and time.

Resignation...

2010-01-31T20:31:00.000-08:00

I met someone recently who turned my world upside down turned my thoughts from the mystics' astrology to the pseudoscientists' Myers Briggs Test

I won't fight him, but there's no reason an INTJ and an ENFJ who, as he said, "connect on every single level" can not be together.

So the INTJ, idealist, analytical planner, thinker, charter of the course - the sex lives in his mind, where it can remain perfect as he has fashioned it while meanwhile, the ENFJ, passionate and fixated on him, researches feverishly for some way to please him or just plain turn him on. She's floored by the fearlessness with which she throws her body and heart at him as he passively and hesitantly half-asses a cold acceptance. So many more times has she been he in his position, flattered by another party's desire, yet almost totally disinterested. Turning the mirror to her she is simply all the more zealous and ardent. Matched in intellect, aesthetics, ambition and humor, she can do nothing but feel inspired, energized, and dejected at the realization that he can see her the same way and still just shrug.

He is not apathetic. He is not melancholic, he is not even attached to the thought of someone else.

He just says it wouldn't work.

In response I am exploring sex in my drawing projects this semester.

Maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all...

2010-01-26T06:49:00.000-08:00

Why does this idea intrigue me? What a peculiar fantasy, and yet the idea of sex with US presidents doesn't seem weird to me at all. Maybe I'm okay after all.

This artist, Justine Lai presents a peculiar slant on political art. She fucks the presidents, in order, on canvas. Forcing a human look at the statuesque figures of our country's past, she creates something both playful, tender and dare I say, titillating.

The warmness of the works really strikes me. I love these. I love the ambiguousness and yet sense of joy and sweetness in these scenes... and with presidents. I want to hug this gal.

Woodwind

2010-01-18T13:29:00.000-08:00

Absolutist!
Flautist or Flutist!
While I couldn't blame you
I nurtured the truth.

Whistling high
Your blind-sighted cry
I oracled, say
You ignored the sooth.

You failed to believe me,
I failed to relieve these
Months that collected
Like cards up my sleeve.

But I'm no magician,
Nor gambling logician.
Just curious and curved
To bereft, you, leave.

You absolutist.
Word-smithing Buddhist.
Monestarically
Made me a whore.

And now no more broken
Than ever before,
my trumpet lies limp
With your flute on the floor.

absolutist...
Gentle Inscrutist.
Oh how you ruined
My plans to be kind.

And I, Absolutist,
The bluntest and bluest
Though as yet truest
I'm not made to mind.

Pink Phone

2010-01-18T13:17:00.000-08:00

He had a pink phone

Blackberry...

Staring me out of my clothes

Foes armed with that kind of charged charm

I could only run

Back to my warren...

Challenge my sworen

Fear to attest

Against future arrest.

I clung to my license

and animal

My sense be damned!

Let me be

As I am... just

I straight can not trust... this

Carpeted alley,

Those fiends in the galley

Were waiting, wanting

Something

They never needed. Wanted.

Until I was wide-eyed wet with watery willful zeal

To mother another

Leering lost lamb

Searing me with his desperation...

And break under thumb

The laughing warlord's drum, he

Who has seen through self-same actions

His flailing flagrant infractions

Amassing his feudal factions,

A seedy seduction

of honest sadness?

Laced with slight madness...

To eventually type and store,

And Furthermore:

Catalog my name

With that self-same

Seductive sadness,

And contagious madness

I saw before

In Blackberry pink eyes.

And I do think

Twice to recall

the day we all

Met...

Our coffees and Blackberry liquor to drink.

How funny - his shirt was pink.

And Then I Turned Into A Mermaid

2010-01-12T16:38:00.000-08:00

They dropped me
From the diving board
That none of them
Dared jump
Plunged me into
The aqua-blue-green
They were so mean.

I drowned for 25 years
And when I came to
I skulked the pool floor
And along the walls
20 fathoms deep and tall
I found an unseemly mistake!
A forgotten crime
Intentionally morbid
Displayed under glass
Set in the concrete mass - a wall!
Only 5 inches tall
The glass perfectly sized
A tiny panda's perfect corpse
A baby blue skeleton's demise.

And then I cried.
At the bottom
Of the swimming pool
The salty sea in my nose
And mouth, the tears
Indistinguishable
I cried -
Poor dead pile of baby bones...

And then I turned into a mermaid
And then I turned into a mermaid
And then I turned into a mermaid

At the bottom of the swimming pool.

Past Drawings

2010-01-11T19:38:00.000-08:00

Here is a small album of drawings, most of which I created in spring of '08. Their short lives were since claimed by the basement flood of 2009, though I tried to save their wrinkled corpses anyway. Some were never digitized. This is all I really have online.

Lisolette and Gregory... working title

2010-01-11T13:41:00.000-08:00

Here is some ornamentation I drew that narrates a story I have been thinking about for a few years... The story is about a baby born into a medieval brothel. Her mother, a prostitute dies in childbirth and the sisterhood of prostitutes takes her and raises her as a collective, pledging to shelter the child from the gruesome realities of their lifestyle and misunderstood, disreputed profession. The child grows into a young adult and begins seeing a phantom in the form of a skeleton's shadow who comes to her at night and teaches her songs as her mothers meet their clients. When the elder of the sisterhood hears her singing these songs, she asks the child where she heard such music and the child explains that she has a friend who teaches them to her. Mortified, the sisterhood instruct her never to sing these songs or fabricate such ridiculous stories again. With a penchant for music, the child requests to perform with her elders in their nightly dances. She is refused, naturally, as the sisterhood intend to save her from the lives they would have avoided in better times. In the meantime, her only friend is a phantom who gradually begins to arouse the young girl's sexual curiosity...

It's a coming-of-age story. In black shadows and warm light...

Water Warrior

2009-12-10T19:59:00.000-08:00

You can check out Facebook's compression of my vid - it probably looks better.

This is Penny Dreadful, signing off. Goodnight, sweet ART590.

Last Minute Final Update

2009-12-10T19:54:00.000-08:00

I worked since 5am every day this week (and last week I think) and I pulled it all together at the last second. My water bottle armor was pretty much what I wanted it to be. One of the most intricate pieces was this helmet.

I had to heat the plastic economy sized cranberry juice bottle (recylable number 1 plastic) with a hair dryer to get it to form to my head. Don't worry I put a towel over my head before I started melting plastic to it.

The next adornoment I created was from the bottle labels. It was a long, tall banner/flag like a Samurai would wear on his back into battle. The framing object that the banner hung between was parts of a portable aluminum shelving unit which I wasn't using yet.

And here is a detail image. You can't see the packing but one of the labels reads "Ethos Water, helping children get clean water." Number 1 plastic. Woot.

I couldn't affix the banner to my costume and since I wasn't fighting anyone in particular so I just held it for the video. The metal made a really sturdy frame though.

Costume Progress Report - Eye Protection

2009-12-09T06:48:00.000-08:00

Working on my mask. It features extra protection for the eyes with quick release screw caps to pour off those troublesome tears during battle.

But when your shields are negotiated, all your weapons are destroyed, and your defenses are down, the mask is quickly and easily movable for more effective hand-to-hand combat.

Plastic Cyborg Samurai Arm Guard

2009-12-08T14:03:00.000-08:00

So far, I have made my forearm protection and am in the midst of making my facial gear... I am afraid this art costume is only going to be somewhat referential to the look and feel of the 16th century Samurai warrior, as it's got a bit of a sci-fi feel to it now, but that doesn't bother me. In fact, I really like where it's going. I'm planning on a helmet, shoulder gear, shin guards to match the arm guards and possibly some type of transparent open shoe. I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I think it will be neat.

My philosophical thoughts on this idea reference the elemental connotations of water among the other of the natural elements, fire, earth and air. In astrology the 4 elements are symbolic of personality traits in people born under that sign. Water is deep, nurturing, life-giving, and associated with emotional motivation. While placid and serene on a sunny day, it can get stirred up in a storm, rushing violently until it finds it's level. It can become frozen and hardened, nigh unmeltable. It can douse and even drown those who get caught up in it's torrents. But like the earth element, it's predictable in many ways. You can always expect water to confine to the laws of gravity.

Being born under this sign, I would like to use the water bottle to explore how we armor our sensitive and fluid compositions, how we canteen our nurturing natures to aid the war-weary, and how we sometimes bottle a torrential flood until the pressure makes us swell and even sometimes burst.

Digital Self-sustainability

2009-12-06T08:42:00.000-08:00

The defining feature of most any religion deals with the facet of death. Humans like all animals, face the inevitability of their own mortality throughout the course of their lives. The death factor motivates all sorts of personal and evolutionary decisions from career and production to love and reproduction. Science and technology have worked over the entirety of human history to sustain the individual and collective human life. While facebook's answer is not quite reanimation following cryogenic suspension, it's a nice gesture.

Facebook received complaints from a grieving family when one of it's members died, leaving his Facebook account active and open to posts. Since this event Facebook now offers a memorializing feature when one of it's users passes on from this life. Friends and family have the option to visit and engage in private supportive contact through the page of the deceased, but the activities will not go to the news feed and the account will not be deleted unless the family specifies.

The KnowMore Extension in Action on Apple and Microsoft

2009-12-06T08:12:00.000-08:00

It works!

I've been considering purchasing an Apple laptop for quite some time now, and I've wavered on the issue consistently for years mostly because a laptop, especially an Apple, is such an immense purchase. I got a flag from KnowMore while browsing in Firefox and learned that Apple lags behind all other computer brands in workers rights, human rights, politics, environmentalism, and business ethics.

Here are some blurbs from KnowMore's findings

A Greener Apple! According to Greenpeace, Apple products made with toxic chemicals (such as flame retardants and polyvinyl chloride) are being sold worldwide. When discarded, they typically end up in the hands of children in China, India and other developing countries. They dismantle the products for parts and are exposed to dangerous toxins that threatens their health and the environment. Take action now to get Apple to go green.

Computer TakeBack Campaign More than 70 environmental groups have signed a letter to former Vice President Al Gore, who sits on the board of Apple, asking him to push the company to become more sustainable. Environmentalists express surprise that as America’s best-known environmental advocate, Gore would oppose shareholder resolutions—which Apple claims were unanimously voted against—asking Apple to become greener.

Here is the letter to the CEO of The Consumer Electronics Association signed by officials of 18 states (of which Kentucky was not among them) calling for laws to force companies like Apple and other electronics producers to be responsible for taking back and recycling their expensive products when they so quickly become obsolete.

But lets look at their arch nemesis, Microsoft as well. These two like to duke it out in a really ugly perpetual smear campaign wherever they can advertise.

Although they're not doing well in the arenas of business ethics and politics, and have been accused of making shitty unstable products, there is no information on Microsoft that would state that the company's environmental practices are not sound. As of 2006, Microsoft has joined a large group of companies no longer using the environmentally hazardous material polyvinyl chloride plastic (PVC) in their products. [39]
They have mixed reviews from their employees on worker's rights, as many have complained they used the H-1B bill to hire immigrant workers for $12/hr instead of paying big bucks to American developers who want to live in mansions too.

The smear campaign will assuredly continue, but I for one have never taken a side in the issue and that's because both corporations got some serious 'splainin' to do.

An interesting Firefox Add-On

2009-12-04T16:01:00.000-08:00

I came across this little buddy as I was researching - it's an add-on for Firefox from an organization called KnowMore that informs you of various corporations, brands or products' impact on the environment as you browse the web. This organization does significant work to inform the public about the products they buy and the vendors they support with those purchases. Above are the founders of the company B. Dolan and Sage Francis.

Here's how the add-on works:

In search engines such as Google --KnowMore's intuitive issue specific icons will show up next to the relevant company's URL in search results.The icons represent: Worker Rights, Human Rights, Political Influence, Environmental Impact, & Business Ethics. If the corresponding icon is red, this means there are significant areas of concern, if it is yellow this means the company is neutral, if green the company has been given a positive rating. It updates every 24 hours.

If you want to download the add-on you can do it here.

Multi-productivity

2009-11-24T15:23:00.000-08:00

From the makers of the Nice Cup in Bra dual-use-putting-mat-and-brassiere, comes (and I can't believe I missed this the first time) the Solar Powered Bra!

TOTALLY not useful. The front-mounted solar panel powers a small billboard which proclaims eco-conscious messages or another user-defined electronic item. The small augmentation pouches are actually consumable Camelpak-style water vessels which "reduce aluminum and plastic waste while enhancing your bust size."

Once again, the answer to "How?" without thought of the question "Why" - still it's hilarious.

Powered by Salt

2009-11-24T15:09:00.000-08:00

The Salt of The Earth...

Science...

I had to look up what "brackish water" was and how this would "add pressure" - brackish water has more salinity than fresh water but not as much as salt water.

Here's the basic concept of osmosis and how it is converted into usable energy:

"When freshwater and seawater meet on either side of a membrane -- a thin layer that retains salt but lets water pass -- freshwater is drawn towards the seawater side. The flow puts pressure on the seawater side, and that pressure can be used to drive a turbine, producing electricity."

I guess the brackish water adds a kick at the end of the process without really slowing it down at it's final destination in the osmotic energy process.

Pretty neat.

What is Justice? My philosophical ramblings...

2009-11-24T13:52:00.000-08:00

Excerpts from Wikipedia:

Concept of Justice

Justice concerns itself with the proper ordering of things and persons within a society. As a concept it has been subject to philosophical, legal, and theological reflection and debate throughout our history. A number of important questions surrounding justice have been fiercely debated over the course of western history: What is justice? What does it demand of individuals and societies? What is the proper distribution of wealth and resources in society: equal, meritocratic, according to status, or some other arrangement? There are myriad possible answers to these questions from divergent perspectives on the political and philosophical spectrum.

Studies at Western Kentucky University in 2008 have indicated that reactions to fairness are "wired" into the brain and that, "Fairness is activating the same part of the brain that responds to food in rats... This is consistent with the notion that being treated fairly satisfies a basic need" [5]. Research conducted in 2003 at Emory University, Georgia, involving Capuchin Monkeys demonstrated that other cooperative animals also possess such a sense and that "inequality aversion may not be uniquely human."[6] indicating that ideas of fairness and justice may be instinctual in nature.

This semester I've read from authors with a wide range of perspectives and agendas. I think, for me it all hinged on Adrian Piper's "Ideology, Confrontation, and Political Self.Awareness: An Essay"

General concepts of "justice" indicate the human capacity or instinct to judge. While this is an important facet of humans as a species, when people forget that they are animals and don't pay respect to their own and others' individual instinctual needs for self-sustainability, we engage in the very behavior we preach to avoid. We assume we are right. Piper discusses many reasons why and how we justify arriving at this conclusion that we are right and someone else is wrong. I appreciated the fair and gentle accusations she made directly to (you) the reader. The presentation was perfect. We need not only judge ourselves as we judge others but judge the rule set we are judging from.

I conclude that justice and empathy are the same beast just as are humans and animals. We are too tied to everything and everyone to think there is one objective justice or truth.

Justice comes from within the self first, and then in empathy and relationship to others. Empathy is most productively made through the active and open engagement of ideas with others. Reception is not just listening but imagining, reaching for that which is inside oneself and opening that to another. It takes a lot of trust, something as animals we don't do easily. Empathy is a constantly evolving thing. When people get lazy, they stagnate and empathy is no longer possible.

Though justice will always be a complicated issue. I for one will continue on the basis of empathy - because that's really as far as I can get by myself. But it's far enough to have not stopped yet...

Double Productive

2009-11-17T05:41:00.000-08:00

Since I am a (while probably untraditionally, so) feminist, this should probably be highly offensive to me, but quite to the contrary, I think it's awesome.

I don't really know if double (or even triple) use items justify something sustainable. Are they more efficient? Are they indicative of what our consumerist culture thinks it "needs?" Are products like this breeding more problems? I don't know. Alls I know is this is hilarious.

GAh, they stole my idea: What can I do with these pesky water bottles - Episode 2

2009-11-17T05:26:00.000-08:00

A Very Similar Idea

For my recycled art project I wanted to make a "Water Warrior" costume - a combination of 16th Century Samurai Sensability with Present-day Petroleum Products. But it seems this designer has already executed a similar idea in high fashion - I'm still gonna do it though, you watch me.

What can I do with those pesky water bottles?

2009-11-17T05:04:00.000-08:00

Here's one idea from Make Magazine.

And another from Inhabitat.

And another from Inhabitat. Coming soon, episode 2 of "What can I do with these pesky water bottles?"

Broken Glass

2009-11-17T04:40:00.000-08:00

I find myself washing dishes when I get really upset. I had just discovered some new information concerning a member of my immediate family. Gently as ever, when I slid the freshly washed glass onto another in my cabinet, it broke in my hand. The sight of the set of 4 glasses (previously 8 in the last decade) reduced by one more, leaving only 3 made me burst into tears. I've been chastised or eye-rolled in the past for my childish personification of material objects. I guess I see where when the item is stripped of it's purpose, it's labor, it is thrown away. Pretty Marxist sentiment here, I know. I recall a time when I was 22 and working my ass off in the heat of my first summer stock theatre program. 5'2" and female, I found I was the heartiest and most dedicated worker of our 4-student crew. The pay was barely enough to live on and the work was grueling - typical for stage work. We had just had a meeting where the higher ups told us that we needed to buy our own insurance (because one girl had just cut a major portion of her finger off with a portable grinder) and I was helping the others carry some steal frames on a dolly, when in a moment we had to negotiate the steel through a small door, I had just turned down a suggestion to ram the lot over a sizable threshhold. They did it anyway and where I was standing there was no choice but for me to catch the whole stack before it fell on my toes. I threw my back out for the first time (and many times subsequently in it's weakened state) and my boss (a young male professor) has the audacity as I limped away, sciatic nerve pinched in my spine, to say "This is Kentucky, Lexi. We put down a horse with a limp."

I know I'm breaking down, like a glass, a fruit, a horse. And surely this is why people make plastics. These

plastic jars are no solution to my death fear, but they are recyclable. And they never shatter.

"Collateral"

2009-11-17T04:08:00.000-08:00

Would you be pissed off too?

This New Zealand artist won a $15,000 competition for calling up the gallery staff and having them collect and pile the packaging refuse of the other contestants and label it "Collateral." Based in Berlin, he also never wasted any gas, dirtying up our atmosphere getting to the event, because he never left his home.

Zany.

Health Hazard of the Future?

2009-11-03T12:49:00.000-08:00

Hold on to your childhood... there are varying accounts on the safety of your favorite 80s science snack. This facebook character argues that there is mercury and other dangerous elements in Dippin' Dots, the "futuristic" ice cream company based in Paducah, KY. The science of these ice cream "dots" lie in the process by which the creamy goodness is sprayed into liquid nitrogen which "flsh freezes" the particles into tiny beads.

This cult classic has a following of weirdos who also want to flash freeze ice cream. Here is the documentation of those odd characters' questions and answers.

Honestly I was not able to back this guys claim about the mercury and I did a lot of searching. While money-making companies are not the most unbiased sources of information, this is what Dippin' Dots themselves have to say about their process.

P.S. Dippin Dots are made in Seoul, Korea.

Sustainability for Sale

2009-11-03T11:36:00.000-08:00

Your chance is here to own a relatively new environmentally friendly vehichle. My friend Nisha is moving to Denver Colorado and unloading her new bicycle with personal additions including a basket and helmet for a reasonable cost.

You can contact her about joining the revolution at the above number or on her

facebook ad.

Recycling Carboard

2009-11-02T15:23:00.000-08:00

Some recycling problems:

Here are some things I wanted to recycle - small cardboard teabag boxes. However they are coated with a waxy surface that renders them out of bounds for local recycling pick up. I understand they are useful to keep freezer moisture out of the interior of the box, but my question is: If there is a plastic bag inside the box, why the extra layer of waxy coating? Couldn't at least part of this packaging be recyclable? In the case of the teas, it makes sense that you don't want moisture going into your teabags, and this particular tea company does not package their teabags in a plastic bag - they are wrapped in paper. However, I have since discovered other companies who package their tea in non-waxy boxes... though there is more packaging inside the box. Here is more information from Santa Clara University's Sustainability Q&A site.

http://www.scu.edu/sustainability/stewardship/recyclingfaq.cfm?b=143&c=3273

A Little Sunshine

2009-10-29T11:52:00.000-07:00

As I was walking from Ekstrom to Schneider I was handed a rose by one of the tutors, Mampu, who works in the Computer Resource Center. She didn't explain why she was handing them out but there I had one and it made me happy. Why do flowers make us happy? Is it their bright colors, their delicacy? I remember meeting a homeless lady on Bardstown road who handed me a flower and told me all I had to was pass it on so that someone else could enjoy it. I did it then and I remembered to spread the wealth again when Mampu handed me this rose. Is it wrong to pluck a rose? I don't know. But it seems only right to circulate its endorphin releasing corpse to someone else with the hopes that they'll pass it on too.

Samsara

2009-10-27T13:23:00.000-07:00

Samsara, scheduled for release in 2010 is a follow-up to Baraka (1992) and similar to the groundbreaking Chronos (1985), directed by experimental filmmaker, Ron Fricke who worked previously as the Director of Photography with director Godfrey Reggio on the Qatsi trilogy. Like both the Qatsi trilogy (Koyaanisqatsi, Powaqqatsi, Naqoyqatsi) and Baraka, the film deals with Fricke's perrenial theme of humanity's relationship with the eternal.

The word, Samsara is Sanskrit संसार for the endless cycle of suffering caused by birth, death and rebirth (i.e. reincarnation) within Buddhism, some sects of Hindu, and other religions.

I'm looking forward to it.

Updated Video - Ephemeral Art

2009-10-27T09:38:00.000-07:00

I reworked my video with a voiceover and edited it to a shorter length. This piece was submitted to the WeRock Video Festival sponsored by iTechConnect, the REACH Digital Media Suite, and the Delphi Center for Technology. You can view all the videos in the contest at www.louisville.edu/itunesu and look up WeRock Festival. The screening of these videos and subsequent awarding of winners, will be November 13 at the iTech Zone (previously South Computing Center in MITC).

You can view my finished product here:

Dead

2009-10-20T13:42:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of the Day of the Dead celebrations gaining speed during this time of year, Welfare State International provides us with a look at the very personal and introspective topic of death and ritual. To fund this ritual performance function of the group, they presented an art auction with many contributions by a variety of artists who focus on the topic of death.

Here is the link

Unfounded Fear

2009-10-20T11:46:00.000-07:00

Does this image make you jump? I don't know where I first made such a bad association with roaches but since I became a vegetarian 5 years ago I have feared the day I would find one in my home and be faced with the decision to end it's life or find some other alternative. Looking at this jpeg makes my skin crawl. But why this unfounded fear? They are the "other" and I've never known a time I was not terrified by their familiar shape and freakish movement, yet they really can't harm me. As pests, they, like mice eat our food and leave toxic droppings but they don't bite, sting, or do any of the things that some bugs do which cause human fatal results.

Here is what Wikipedia says about the little guys. When I read that wasps sting and subdue the roach to drink a small portion of their blood and then leave them slightly alive to house the eggs of the hungry wasp larvae - Link to Roaches - I suddenly began to feel a small bit of empathy for the hideous little things. How do I learn to love the roach?

My landlady recently turned on the heat in our apartment building and for the past two mornings I have been faced with that brutal decision in unfounded terror. Yesterday morning, with a little ingenuity and teamwork, my boyfriend (Buddhist, pacifist) and I (vegetarian, pacifist) managed to corral and capture a 2+ inch roach from its discovered location on the towel ring in my bathroom inside a plastic cup, where he slid my T-mobile bill between and transported the unloved creature across the street and into an abandoned field. He got lots of affection for his bravery and kind intentions. I myself, have not even mustered that bravery. But he makes me want to work on it.

Toxic Dumping

2009-10-20T11:14:00.000-07:00

I often question justice.

How do you pin this on one person. How do you send one person to jail for 20 years after 3 hours of deliberation for a crime this big? I guess I'm just depressed - why can't everyone just not do things that hurt other people - or in this case kill them by negligence and inconsideration.

I have no answers.

Do geese die for your pillows and comforters? Do you care?

2009-10-06T12:10:00.000-07:00

Their little bodies were once so warm, so that now they're dead, your bed can be.

Here are some spirited discussions about goose down, and the nature of making products with it.

One

Two

DMS presents WeRock iMovie Festival

2009-10-06T11:32:00.000-07:00

If you thought about making a statement about sustainability or art, registration is open for the

WeRock iMovie Festival

The Digital Media Suite and iTech Express on campus support students who need to check out a camera or learn editing software.

Feel free to learn a new skill set and represent for the art department.

Woot.

Veggie Delight!

2009-10-01T13:25:00.000-07:00

More cool stuff, right here in our own town:

This group, EarthSave Louisville, hosts vegetarian community potlucks. Homegrown. Delicious. Inspiring.

http://louisville.earthsave.org/

Derby City Custom Drums

2009-10-01T11:09:00.000-07:00

I visited my friend Adam's crazy drum-making shop beaneath his carriage house apartment somewhere close to Sunergos coffee. He apent some time abroad in Australia in a drum-making workshop and is now back in Louisville making some very peculiar and fantastic things. Totally at home amongst the sawdust and polyurythane, I took a round about his shop where he showed me his frankenstein machine - a lathe motor turned on it's side with various clamps and welded steel arms attached and a small router hung firmly at a 45 degree angle to the whole device. "What's is for?" I asked, and he explained to me his process. A pile of old bourbon barrel timbers from a local brewery, nearing disposal had been collected for his current drum making project. His custom-made drums, fashioned from these recycled bourbon barrel planks and his own brass hardware, were some of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. He's made them also from reclaimed cherry and other woods. I got to see the whole collection. I was floored by the craftsmanship. And this is happening right here in Louisville.

You too could have a set of Derby City Custum Drums.

Guerilla Gardening

2009-09-29T04:32:00.000-07:00

It was in my undergrad years in Lexington when I first heard of guerilla gardening and I went to harvest some mint with my friend Joe who had planted a a variety of herbs in the vast plot of Masterson Station Park. Funny how unlawful and nervous I felt just picking plants from a public park. How unnatural to feel guilty about such a thing. However, I made some really excellent minted lemonade with our harvest later that day.

Ephemeral Art Project Video

2009-09-24T10:28:00.000-07:00

Give me some feedback. I was planning a voiceover but I haven't had time to add it yet. I am not sure the connection is being made that when I play piano alone in my apartment, it's also ephemeral - disappearing just as soon as the strings stop resonating. Every now and then I experience a moment of genius on a piano but naturally on video I never catch any of those moments.

The person calling me at the end of the video was my ex-boyfriend who won't give me my 2008 ART390 Video Class DVD back. As if it was meant to be I noticed that I answered and said "But I'm not there anymore." at which point I turned off the camera...

It happened. In real time. So I can only thank the jerk for this gift to my ephemeral art project.

2009-09-22T08:41:00.000-07:00

This was me in the morning, beginning my day's activities with a rangoli. A car immediately ran over it.

Blackboard Material - hidden costs

2009-09-15T11:09:00.000-07:00

I've had an ongoing conundrum between the values and environmental morals I'm attempting to follow in this class and the resistance from other classes allowing me. For instance in Modern Perspectives in Contemporary Art, (ARTH541) all our readings are posted on Blackboard, YAY. So I read them online... but as it turns out, I am supposed to be printing them out, BOO, and am consistently asked to reference them in class from 4 - 7pm Wednesdays (which is not online). We're talking about 200 pages a week, kiddos. So I am faced with the option to save the paper or appear to be unprofessional even though I've thoroughly done the reading assignment.

"Water is the next empire."

2009-09-10T13:34:00.000-07:00

I don't necessarily, I mean, as a video artist, think a lot of the sensationalism, the bad music, or the editing, but this looks like an interesting video piece nonetheless. In the spirit of our self-important friend Michael Moore, Tapped is a documentary film about the bottled water industry.

Permaculture

2009-09-10T07:38:00.000-07:00

Permaculture is a holistic thing... it's a harmony thing. It should be easy. Why is it hard? Why is it seditious? And why is it more seditious to encourage such a lifestyle? Here is your holistic Reddit for the Urban Permaculture contemplator.

Rangoli - Environmental Art Is Not New

2009-09-08T13:50:00.000-07:00

My friend Nisha from southern India wanted to be a Rangoli artist, but her parents made her study economics and business. She could pursue her artistic career on the side but needed to make a priority for more "important" studies. I had never heard of Rangoli before.

In Indian cultures, a rangoli is an expression of hospitality especially associated with the Hindu Diwali festival where locals visit each other's homes to exchange greetings and sweets. They are fragile as they are composed of colored sand just laid in rhythms and motifs on floors and surrounded by candles. They are very impermanent but highly respected as an art form and as art objects. No one would dare set foot on a beautiful rangoli artwork.

Home Movies

2009-09-08T11:14:00.000-07:00

I'm digitizing this stack of old VHS cassettes. These contain invaluable A/V information from the past; the home movie creations of the Siblings Bass! However what will be done with this stack of plastic and magnetic tape? Here are some ideas cooked up in the brainboxes of other crazy
arteeeests...

Nesting ifs...

2009-09-03T14:05:00.001-07:00

Baby boids

The Plastic Conundrum

2009-09-03T12:13:00.000-07:00

These are #1 plastic bottles. Many. This, my friends is a crime scene. And I am the criminal. But karmic law is all in place because my intentions were good. I began saving these bottles and putting my own beverages from home in them so that I could A) reuse something that is typically wasted after one use, and B) have a quick and convenient beverage option for the road when leaving the house in a hurry... which is typical. However, I was informed by Bess that in my efforts to help the environment I was in fact poisoning myself with the hormone distruptors and other baddies which leach onto beverages and foods when placed inside these plastics. And washing them like I would any other container with warm soapy water was only expediating the contamination process.

Wunderkammer

2009-09-03T11:19:00.000-07:00

Wunderkammer is a bourgeoning local furniture makery headed by a lad named Mitchell, who I met once or twice, a fine lad, which uses reclaimed wood and other objects appropriated into these very swanky home pieces.

Hungry...

2009-09-01T12:07:00.000-07:00

This is Alys Fowler's solution to an old fashioned case of the rumbly-tum. The photography really gets the ol masticator moistened... my hands got dirty just turning the pages of this not-so-revolutionary idea of growing greens (and all the other colors of the rainbow) in your home or job and in any sort of various and sundry container. As Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) of Jurrasic Park once quoth: "Life will find a way."

Cargotecture

2009-08-26T14:52:00.003-07:00

At some point this summer my brother was raving about buying this storage container from a local business owner. Apparently the operator of Louisvillian restaurant, "Toast" had bought up a small collection of shipping containers. These long trailer-like boxes are now being made into trendy modular dwellings, shops, studios, and other various people-holders. The movement, known now as "Cargotecture", is bolstering its numbers in Seattle, Washington and California among other places and boasts such modern marvels as Puma City in Boston. I railed with him a bit before ultimately deciding it was a practice totally unsuitable for locations with four seasons, and that ultimately it was heavily more trendy than inexpensive or eco-friendly. They do look cool though.

Crash Landing

2009-08-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

Chaos! Utter Chaos! An earth, a planet, round and living and totally incomprehensible to me! Nigh unlivable! Here! Now! Alone! I will form a practical world from the clutter and garbage about the landscape. I will fashion this world from my own by-products! I will delve the deepest dumpsters! Forage the forgotten fixtures! I will conjure the crude cast-offs of this corporate Post-Apocolypse and create from that collection... a new home!

http://www.readymade.com/magazine/?ordersrc=google1_branded&cobrandId=ww5